Today was an entire day with a roller coaster of emotions. Thinking about the cycle he has brought to my life just leaves me sick. I was able to talk to a couple of individuals and the ability to verbally throw my feelings on the table did help. Walking myself through the jumbled mess gave me the ability to sort things out. I could separate manipulation from control while grabbing the reigns to my own life.
While mowing the lawn tonight everything raced through my mind. I walked back and forth and as I swiped the grass I saw this clean cut, cared for land. I realized that just as my yard must be tended to often, so did I. My goal for the weekend is to have a good time, relax, and enjoy the holiday with my children.
Tonight I put the emotional turmoil on one end of the table and my life on the other. I am focused on the end that holds what I can control…myself, my existence. It is like sorting out the jelly beans, right now my favorites are in my hand. I want to savor the sweetness and live with liberty. Tomorrow I will have the chance to let my hair down…embrace my womanhood.
Until tomorrow…Adventure awaits
~Nina~
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