Today was a day I was going to initially take off the calendar and not acknowledge the day for what it was. Celebrating was just not something I felt was appropriate and the desire to hide from the world was very strong. Then I woke up and there were was this little hand caressing my cheek. “Good morning Momma,” she said as her smile was bright and well rested. “Happy Birthday Momma,” she proudly stated and at that moment I decided that I would embrace the day…my day.
As I descended to the main level of the house I found myself heading right over to the windows. It has become a new ritual, but this morning as I opened my blinds the light that filled my home was of a different nature. It was a new strength, warmth as I step into a new year in my life. I can move forward and build my life in a positive direction.
The most precious moment of my day was at naptime. I put the boys down and they smiled as I covered them up. Then I went in by my little girl and she asked if I would snuggle with her and I couldn’t resist. As I lay down next to her, she reached for my hand and placed her little fingers on the inside of mine. I wrapped my hand around hers and her eyes lit up. “I love you,” I said softly as I kissed her forehead. Her eyes closed as she drifted to sleep and a tear fell from my eye as I couldn’t ask for anything more at that very moment. My children are the gift of life, a life I delivered into this world with deep appreciation and selflessness. Today my gift is the opportunity to devote my love to them and give them the life they deserve.
The week leading up to this day I wondered…how does one celebrate this day alone? I did make arrangements for a sitter to be with the kids in the evening and everyday I fought the urge just to cancel, but didn’t. As I showered and got ready my mind raced. “What are you doing?” I questioned myself out loud. My chin was held high as I walked down the sidewalk; the soft breeze surrounded me while exposing myself to the world. I opened the door of opportunity for personal growth and I bowed my head with gratitude as I took some time for me tonight.
Looking back I realized I wanted to avoid my birthday as the past year has been filled with heartache, struggle, and the pieces that trailed left this void within. I didn’t want to celebrate this hardship…I just wanted to implode and give into the pain that swallowed me. What I have realized is that it wasn’t a day for me to look back at the last year and hang my head with defeat; it was a day to rejoice for my upcoming year. I did have a cake and as I blew out the candles I prayed with one wish in which I will embrace great hope for. My life will be of changes and positive energy starting with today.
This day was the anniversary of my coming into this world. I have a destiny and I am here to find it. Twenty five years ago I was given the blessed gift of life. Each day I intend to pay it forward with devotion, compassion, and hard work. My entire essence has been empowered as my inspirations resurfaced today. I found my focus today and what better day than my birthday.
Day of Life…Blessed Gift
~Nina~
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