Numbness Tingles

Existing has been the theme of my day. I just rolled through the motions to accomplish the goals of bill paying, grocery purchasing, and errand running. I tootled through my errands before gathering my babies. Not much flowed through my mind…meaningless ponders encased my brain and I realized that the energy lost leaves me a shell.

My purpose screeched with happiness as they all booked it across the room to give me a hug. Three precious children are my purpose, my air to breath. I felt fulfilled at that moment when they all piled into my lap, giggling with joy as they buried in with love and security. Gathering them up into the van we set off to our destination…home.

Spending time with my babies was precious. The boys started walking and those first wobbly steps touch my heart as they smile with pride. As each of them took their turn stumbling into my arms my entire being was warmed with the deep bond we hold. I love each one of my children more than life its self.

After tucking them in one by one, I kissed their foreheads and whispered an ‘I love you.’ There I was…completely alone once again. My body went into autopilot again while tasks were approached and complete. I whipped up a pasta salad without the realizing how much time passed until I placed it in the fridge. Finally I stopped as I caught a glimpse of myself in the long mirror while putting something away in my laundry room. “Snap out of this,” I expressed out loud. I don’t want to feel like this, but I cannot seem to avoid or control the feeling I have experienced today.

Ambition, my motivation is quite low at this particular moment. Though I struggle with sleep, I think I might just lie down and pray for a bout of deep, healthy shut eye. I hope each and every one of you receive the rest you need. Embrace the dreams ventured and interpret the pondered message sent.

Goodnight…God Bless

~Nina~