No Expectation…Unexpected Outcome

I found myself going through the motions this morning. The journey thus far had been above challenging which left me to expect nothing less today. After another restless night I gathered all of my children as they woke one by one. The normal parade of breakfast, bathing, dressing, and entertaining led to the kids smiling with security and me with my determination to plug away on the house some more. Eventually this house will be clean, just as my soul will one day feel revived. Who knows when or how long this goal will take to be reached.

My sweet darlings had put their heads down to rest and I bundled up to head outside. The driveway had been neglected from the day before as I didn’t have the opportunity to conduct snow removal. It had begun to come down again this morning. I had to shovel; there is no one to do it for me.

As I began to push the slight accumulation I had a revelation. If one leaves the snow and disregards the opportunity to sweep the downfall from the pavement, then the possibility of a packed crust can crystallize the surface. An uncared for driveway leaves its fate subjected to the elements. It will become hard, slick, and iced over leading into a concern of uncertainty. Though the frozen precipitation left a trivial amount on my responsible ground, I was going to take the time to foster proper care. The correlation to a saddened heart is the same.

If I don’t take the opportunity to facilitate a grievance each day then my heart has the opportunity to become an uneven, hardened block of ice. Waking today and assuming it will hold the same outcome as yesterday has left me surrendering faith. As I hit a solid chunk of ice on my driveway, I knew what I needed to do. I needed to reach deep within and continue to fight for a happiness I once forfeited.

Hard work and determination will allow me to battle the urge of giving up. I was presented with a gift of two bracelets today. The box of one read “Empowerment Bracelet,” the other “Speak Out Against Domestic Violence Bracelet.” I didn’t want to embrace the emotion of opening this gift at first, but later I went back and found myself receiving the courage that was intended by the generous soul that gave them to me. Thank you is not enough, but all I have to offer this individual at this moment.

I did have visitors today. The support that filled the house as they entered my front door encased my heart. When each person left I felt this invisible warmth wrap over me, protection of family even with miles separating us remains powerful. With this and my day taking a stroll down a positive lane, I accepted a dinner invitation. Again, the experience was empowering. Freedom, conversation, the sharing of precious moments brought me great appreciation for everyone who sends support. When asked, “Has it been a better day?” I was able to respond confidently with, “Yes.” Yes, the day I had been praying for, the day I lost faith in…it is this day that brought me a new vault of strength.

Thank you to all that have brought this day to me. You all are amazing people! I know now that each day has the potential to be a struggle as this journey will not be easy, but that same day also has the potential of being an enlightening day as today was. I placed both bracelets upon my wrist before writing tonight and already they have created an essence of endurance for this whole experience to come.

The uncertainty doesn’t need to be feared, it needs to be lived…

~Nina~