Though up late last night, I did find myself reaching a deeper level of sleep for the first time. Bizarre dreams captivated my mind, but imagination is the key to one's youth. The morning did indeed come quick, but I felt rested for the first time in months.
A few days ago I experienced a day of obscurity, bringing me to close the blinds. Today I sauntered over to the windows; I took a deep breath and then vowed to break that desire to hide. Nurturing a positive essence will bring a constructive atmosphere for me and my children. We are here to live this blessed gift of life. Every experience necessary…they are the building blocks to whom one desires to be. Moving forward while taking a piece of each day will allow me to embark and breathe a fully engaged existence.
Today surfaced a first for me. I had brought the house to a full recovery and the kids were satisfied. I found myself with my hands on my hips pondering, “What can I do? I feel the need to be doing something.” Misplaced, a new type of lost I sensed today. My life has been such a whirlwind of task after task having to be done with urgency and now here I was faced with all the current responsibilities competed. I sat down and this stillness didn’t last long. My beloved brood had all closed their eyes for a snooze leaving me surrounded by silence. The loneliness wasn’t a negative; it ventured my mind to search for something to do for me.
I am always the last person on my priority list. My needs fell below my husband’s, my children’s, my responsibilities, and all other additional liabilities. No more! My needs are going to hold hands with my kids’ needs. Goals, that’s right, my personal desires were structured into objectives for myself today. I am seeking to return to a proper nutrition as I haven’t eaten much in the last 2 weeks. Movement, I found a training regimen that will suit perfectly for my next aspired feat. Inscribing my dream onto the pages of my planner was the most powerful move of the day. August 8, 2010 I will be running a half marathon and this achievement is for me—for my inner vigor.
Seeking a balance to attain all the things I am required to maintain while progressing to the finish line of my own ambitions will allow the vitality my soul yearns. I visualize the lacing of my running shoes and racing my personal challenges that have suppressed my true identity. I know, in my heart, that I will win that pursuit…I will rise above. Each day will bring different levels of question to my integrity but at the end of the day, I will prevail.
Bottom-line: this solitude isn’t trepidation; it is a peace that soothes thy soul. I am going to grasp it and recognize the ability to focus on the woman—this woman whom dreams high.
Reach for the stars, they are only an arm’s length away…
~Nina~
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