Words of Empowerment

Today was a calmer day. I felt a weight lift off of me after my earliest correspondence this morning. There is a line of protection put in place to separate his ability to verbally degrade and emotionally abuse me anymore. I am not going to lie, I was terrified as he has threatened me twice in regards to me taking action to defend myself. I couldn’t allow safety to be jeopardized, so I mustered enough courage to place much needed boundaries once again.

My life enters another whole pool of change once again. I gave him a chance; I went out on a limb to trust all the changes he expressed to me. Just as each time I hoped and prayed before, this time was another time I believed that it would never happen again. I noticed different behavior and subtle differences. At first I questioned the substance of his change, but eventually re-instilled some trust with him. I want nothing more than a relationship of quality to raise our children and I assumed us to be on the same page working toward the same goal. Then little by little the red flags started to release and my alert began to heighten. This wasn’t an easy day…no day has been or ever will be.

At some point I hope his battle within ends. He is losing focus on his personal goals as his emotions implode and regain his original cycle. The release of anger and drive to seek control is overtaking his mind, body, and soul. I pray, tonight I pray for him.

Where does my life go from here? How do I once again canvas my internal struggles into positive energy of survival? Faith, the invested loyalty to myself will begin to structure my agenda. Grabbing the steering wheel, looking forward, and appreciating the knowledge that the past brings me will help me build a sound future. Nurturing my essence by surrounding myself with the correct people will aid in this flowering process.

There was a particular conversation today that I waited for all day. When the clock struck 4pm I began to get antsy with anticipation. Eventually my phone rang and the voice on the other end immediately brought comfort. The warm embrace of the entire banter surfaced a security and drive to my heart. Thank you, my appreciation to this person is more than they know.

Several phrases speak to me over and over, “I want you to feel confident, to feel empowered.” Don’t allow him to have this control…I cannot allow him to keep this power. The touching words of, “I think you are amazing,” soften my rigid doubt. Tonight I hung up the phone and stood before the mirror. The woman gazing back at me did indeed look exhausted, but stood with better posture as this person instilled a spark of credence that I need in myself.

I placed my right hand over my heart tonight. The rhythmic beat reminded me that I am not dead, though I emotional feel like parts of me died I am actually very much alive. My life is mine to venture. I must pick up the pieces, learn from past mistakes, and triumph my future. This again will not happen overnight, but the process can begin right now.

"The steady restructuring can once again carry her to the heights of successful esteem while her earned determination will keep her there this time" Written by: Nina

Comfort of one…Embraced sanction

~Nina~