Yesterday I didn’t have a chance to capture my day. Traveling to familiar territory was my weekend endeavor. Today I spent time with my children and my family. The last time I was in this part of the state was when my daughter had her birthday, almost three months ago. Overall the day was very touching; internally I struggled with deep emotion. Precious memories casted my day, treasured moments embraced my heart, and supportive conversations wrapped my soul.
Venturing for coffee is a ritual for Mom and I when I come home to visit. This morning was different as we tootled our way up to the overlook. We were at the picnic table and my daughter was devouring her muffin. Emotion was scratching at my insides. The image of my mom sitting there with my daughter…it was a memory of 22 years ago of her sitting with me.
Mom and I are very close. Not always does she say what I want to hear, but she will say what I need to hear whether I like it or not. Her guidance is of importance and under estimated by others. She is vibrant, grounded, and respected. As I pulled my own daughter into my lap this morning I wrapped her with love and a tear welled as I remember the power of my mom’s embrace as a child. A bond between a mother and her child is of great strength and enduring love.
There a few times the emotion that clawed at my heart managed to roll down my cheeks. Why was I struggling so badly today? Why were my failures haunting me? I cried at the memory of both my marriages, at the hard efforts I placed for both, and pondered the two men that I had honored. Moving forward, the insight that was handed to me was to focus on the future and moving forward. The mere thought of my future overwhelmed me. Can I do this? Yes, I can…I have a deep determination that can bring me success.
I may have made some mistakes in my life so far, but the one thing I am most proud of is my children. They will have bright futures. They will always know how much I love each and every one of them. They will develop with a structure that will instill respected values and towering determination. They will gain the strength to follow their own hearts and achieve their highest goals. While laying each one of my children down to sleep tonight I transferred bravery and courage as I kissed them goodnight. Momma loves you!
Conquering today will lessen the battle of tomorrow…at least that is how I try to approach each sunrise. Survival is living and living is embracing all fears and inhibitions while savoring all levels of love. Courage to defeat my apprehensions isn’t always easy, but satisfying with pride when I do. My learning isn’t over as the underlying mystery of my future awaits my attention and willingness to become even more knowledgeable.
Lessons of life…Trades of teaching
~Nina~
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