Lay my Head to Rest

The past two months or more I have avoided my bedroom. I have slept on the couch and while sleeping my mind would wander the depths of my heart. Some nights I woke up in a fret as the nightmare was so vivid my heart rate was elevated and my breathing rapid. The adrenalin of lust would wake me only to have my hands be met with emptiness. The peace of my standing on a mountain top took me to the deepest level of sleep. Every memory from my dreams symbolizes various emotions I experience on a daily basis.

Yesterday I opened my bedroom door and looked around. An area that is mine, which can foster my inspirations and embrace my insecurities, was ignored. I picked a few things up, made the bed, and turned on my stereo. Instantly I felt the break down of my inhibitions. I can’t evade a space that will aid in my breaking free of the internal struggles. Warmth, this was my safe zone and I had been keeping distance from it, but no more…my get-a-way, my haven.

With my sweet children all tucked in bed, I took an opportunity to take a moment for myself. The water warmed up while I undressed. The water ran down my shoulders and soothed my heartache. The mist filled the room and as I washed the pain from my body I could feel the strength surface. As I dried off, I wrapped the towel around me. Stepping before the mirror presented me with a vision I too often had lately. I couldn’t see myself as my reflection was steamed over. I wiped away the film to reveal my face. Deep down I could feel the woman I strive to be. At that very moment I closed my eyes and allowed my essence to completely relax.

The avoidance ended last night and tonight I will light a couple of candles…visualize my future. The scent that fills the air will allow my imagination to drift. Clearing my entire mind will bring growth and confidence to my heart. Tonight I will rest my head on my pillow and picture happiness.

Goodnight…Rest peacefully

~Nina~