Waves of Wonder…Memories to Ripple

Today, it hasn’t been the easiest yet again. The struggle remains with many aspects of my internal emotions. Upon waking I wanted to do nothing but throw the covers over my head and just hide. The darkness of depression does pull at my leg. I keep shaking its grasp, but some days the resistance is too much for me. I got up, took a shower, and faced my day. I meandered down to the dock. As I sat on shore, I was overwhelmed with flashbacks. As a little girl I would climb the steps leading to the lake almost every weekend, being at Grandpa and Grandma’s was a safe zone and I felt it again today.

The waves spoke to me. The calmness hovered above the water reaching for my heart. I gazed across the lake and was met with so many memories. Relaxation pulled the strings of my soul and ventured into a tune of harmony. My pen met the paper and emotions poured from within. I structured an outline to my story; I expressed feelings of sadness to euphoria. I embraced past love and present turmoil. The breeze caressed my cheek bringing me to close my eyes while I drew in a deep breath. I totally let go of all the recent chaos and was wrapped with the warmth of serenity. This moment I have searched for…

Grandpa ventured to the dock and as I watched him rummage in his boat, I asked if he wouldn’t mind taking me for a ride. The boys secure with Grandma, I set sail with Gramps. It has been so long since I have been on the lake. I took my seat and looked over at Grandpa. A smile spread across my face. The flood of pride in the man that sat next to me was overwhelming. He looked at me and we shared a mutual moment of silent reminiscing.

The boat accelerated and I found myself unsure as I sat forward for better balance. The involuntary reaction symbolized the stability I search for everyday. Then we would come to a channel and there would be “No wake” signs where we would slowly venture through. As we made it through the first channel he opened up the throttle and we were off again. My life, this experience represented the adventure of my life…my days. I have times of extreme caution and float to avoid the corrosion that can be caused by strong waves within close proximity. Then after I manage to corral enough strength to open up, I will zip across the open waters as the wind blows through my hair surrounding me with elated liberty.

As we crossed the ripples of another boat’s waves and our boat would bounce a little. The feeling startled me, but then I chuckled as I remembered when I was a little girl how much that use to frighten me. As the years before, I relaxed as I looked over at Grandpa. The trust, our bond has always allowed me to melt my nerves and know that he would take care of me. By the end of our ride I stopped leaning forward and just allowed the trust I have with him to relax me to the point of sitting back without holding on. As we floated up to the dock I felt like I had found something I needed out there on the lake. I am going to embrace it and build from it.

I am ready…tomorrow I want to wake up and welcome the sunrise. I will lift my chin while carrying my posture of pride. I will tackle my doubt and structure the means to gain confidence. I cannot continue on the path of sadness and hurt. It is time to channel this into a more positive energy. I will construct a few goals for the week and build off each sense of accomplishment. Tomorrow truly is a new day…

Set my sails…Drift to freedom

~Nina~