Packaged Dismay…Refocuses Space

August 23, 2010

Over the past four to five weeks I have slowly packed the belongings of my future ex-husband. This was not an easy avenue to venture. Placing items of someone I loved into a box presented struggle as I felt I was giving up that last and final hope. I was faced with the finalizing of my good-bye. I will say this until the day I die…this is not how I wanted our relationship to go. I still have hope for him, but it is now channeled into the faith I have that he can be healthy for himself and our children.

To simplify the process I only approached one room at a time. I started with the least painful with hopes to prepare myself for the most difficult. Over the course of sifting through one room I would then take time to fully embark my emotions and recover from the flood of pain that rushed within my heart. My theory to ease the hurt of the final room only posed 50% accuracy. I struggled as I have finally taken him out of that last room…our bedroom. Emotional I was, but I had support surrounding me on this day bringing ease to the wound in my heart.

Closing that last box symbolizes the heartache and pain being packaged up as it is being removed from my life. As I lifted the enclosed contents of past anguish and fear, I illuminated the strength I have incurred from this entire process. Securing all his belongings, I have respected him as a part of my life. He is the father of my children, a man I worked very hard fore…a man I have loved. I only remove him from my physical space. I have no intentions to attempt to erase him from my memories or heart. As I organize my living space and rearrange my life I will refocus my energy on what was positive and not put weight in the entire negative perspective.

Closing this sachet closes this chapter. My life is waiting to take me by the hand and lead me to the great unknown of my adventure. I can grow and blossom. My heart is that of a rose garden with the similar needs of tender care, abundant sunshine, and protection from the violent turbulence of the winds. With these elements in place the array of colors to bloom will be remarkable. My opportunities are endless!

Rearview mirror…The reflection of what was, not what will be

~Nina~