Whispers in the Wind

The sun came up and I had a list of things to do. I sat up on the edge of the bed and looked around. Empty, my soul is empty. I managed to get going, started the coffee, and there I was standing in front of the mirror. As I looked at the woman staring back at me, I wondered, “I will get through the day.”

The normal parade of breakfast, baths, and dressing my sweet darlings brought the start of my routine. The boys pulled at my pants as I combed my hair, my daughter watched as I applied my make-up. We are a team, a strong team. Then as I sauntered into the living room they trailed me and I turned to smile as my goslings looked up with happiness. We were ready for the day.

Time has passed and there has been a decision I have come to terms with. It hasn’t been an easy conclusion but one that serves a great purpose to everyone involved. As I have expressed before, this doesn’t close any doors. I continue to pray for a brighter future and my hopes will remain. I trembled as the ink met the paper. My signature symbolized my internal motion of grasping control back over my own life. In my eyes, divorce doesn’t hold a black and white definition, but it does maintain my stance on a life for me and my children without abuse. Our destiny will bring our future.

I walked out with a wave of emotions. Then as I sat down I found myself in a room, an empty room. I could hear his voice. The voice that has terrified me, the voice that would say, “I love you,” the voice that went to extreme lengths to intimidate me, the voice that would beg for forgiveness…the voice I have not heard in weeks. I reached out only to have my fingers met with nothing. No guidance, I am here to embrace my pain, my love, and my life. Though his voice was soft, I can’t remember the last time I heard his soft sense of compassion, genuine phrase of love, or appreciation for the pure gift of life. Lowering my eyes, I crossed my hands over my heart.

This day presented me with challenge. This day brought me internal opportunity. This day carried the blank canvas of my future. This day raised the serenity of life that must be lived. Today is the day I step forward to become the woman I aspire to be.

Love….love oneself…

~Nina~