The day’s events brought great efforts of survival. I was rolling the script on how to go about saying good-bye for the last 24 hours. A piece of my heart died as I had decided that ceasing my efforts would give that party the power. I never performed with deception. I want to say to them, “This isn’t a chess board, this is our lives.” The emotion of anger and abrasive nature is what brought us here. The destruction implodes the structure of security for reconciling more than a marriage. It wasn’t until a minute ago, I made my decision.
I will not forfeit the positive affects this journaling brings. The initial purpose of this brings me the opportunity to heal myself, to bring strength to the surface. I am a good person, a woman with the aspiration to help others. I know where my purpose initiated and maintains.
The title states, “Farewell….or Fair Ending.” Many may wonder what this is meant to reflect. This represents my insides. I am waving as the departure of my interest in other’s opinions removes their weight from upon my shoulders. I have been told several times over the last week, “But you know who you are, you know what you haven’t done.” This voice was right. I do know how things transpired and living with the vision of someone’s interpretation is not how I should live. Fair ending…my existence will not be of pain or hurt, it will be of fair ending…of happiness.
My future is in my hands. Today is the day that the canvas unzipped and I emerged. A stable confidence isn’t presented yet, but in the works. Taking a scissors and cutting the tie that held me back was the most freeing sense I have had since this journey began. It was the release of apprehension with myself, the questioning of myself that brought this liberty.
Autonomy is the gaining of self significance…
~Nina~
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