Entertaining Excuses…Motivation Established

The past few days have been a little more difficult, but to my relief they haven’t been due to any extreme emotional disarray. The vastness of exhaustion seems to be on more of a physical level. I was trying to figure out why the plow seemed to be heavier than it has been, but come to no conclusion. I, someday, prefer to have this weight unhooked as the cultivation process would eventually end, but this is life…it never ends.

When considering my never-ending to do list one may ponder, “I am tired just watching her.” No doubt, I am sure if I had the opportunity to stand behind as a hovering presence I too would struggle to catch my breath. No complaints, I would never wish away any responsibilities that I have, as everything in my life is a blessing, not an obligation. My only desire is to petition the heavens for a permanent extension to my day. Twenty-four hours just isn’t enough, I need at least six to eight additional hours per day. Trust me, I do!

The grinding gears slow my pace. I found myself putting off today, only to wish I hadn’t tomorrow. Last night I again wasn’t able to wipe my entire list of chores off the board as exhaustion guided my tired body upstairs. I promised myself as my eyes closed that I would rise in the morning and straighten myself out.

Bright and early, my alarm chimed at 5 o’clock this morning. As I swung my feet out of bed I rubbed my eyes. “Seriously,” I sighed out loud. No more excuses, I censured, “Get yourself back on track!” I meandered downstairs, put the coffee on, and stood in front of the mirror. The previous three days I made, more like, found excuses such as three children demands so much time as a single mother, working full-time wipes my energy, school zaps my mind, tending a house creates exhausted limbs, bills generate havoc as the checkbook is low, and more which was causing me to push things off. I would create validation with one of my listed defenses as to why the laundry could wait, why Arby’s is a better choice, why my 40 minutes of cardio can be put off, and why going to bed while pressing the guilt out of my mind was ok. I looked at myself and said, “What does this do for you?”

Avoiding things will not make them disappear. I cannot evade my duties…life is calling my name and hiding will only shelter my opportunities. My mind raced while I was in the shower. As the hot water soothed my aching muscles I tried to compile the most efficient route of getting myself back on track. I sipped my coffee and was wrapped with the warmth of encouragement. Motivation, as I gazed at my reflection, she was there looking back as I applied my make-up. There it was--the enthusiasm that I thought I had misplaced.

This is my life...My only chance…

~Nina~