Complaisant Demeanor…Passionate Heart

This morning I looked in the mirror, “Who am I?” Those three little words have rolled around inside my mind and then pondered the answer since my journey began. Who do I want to be? Who should I be? Who will I be? These are the different variations of the same question that roots deep within my soul, but will there be a measurable answer? Take me by the hand…I want to show you…

Who do I want to be?

Initially my answer has remained, “I want to be someone or something that somebody can be proud of.” While stumbling through my routine as I got ready for work today, I felt this presence. I turned around only to be met with nothing. Hmm…after scratching my head in speculation I came back to my beginning posture. Raising my eyes, there she stood in front of me, my own reflection. “No. Who do you want to be?” the young woman asked. After gazing for a minute or two, the deep brown eyes relayed the answer…“I want to be someone or something that I can be proud of. I want to be me.”

Complaisant is a trait I do have. Is it a fault or is it of quality? After looking at the definition: inclined or disposed to please; obliging; agreeable or gracious; compliant…I am left to interpret my own character. Definitely, this is a large portion of who I am! I am not a fighter, I do find myself inclined to please as I am not accustomed to tension or the dismay of arguing. Kindness and carrying a deep consideration for people faces that obliging attribute of my temperament. Each day I appreciate what I have, I am gracious for life, my three beautiful children, and the faith I have in God. Acquiescent, the gift of wanting to or trying to compromise or accommodate is reflected as my compliance as a human being. Compassion, sincerity, and dependability are all characteristics that will embrace warmth in my future.

The search of who I am goes against my motto. I have always recited, “Life isn’t about finding yourself, it is about creating yourself.” I know who I am. I just need to trust who I am. I have the unknown future to venture through so I can continue to CREATE myself, not find myself. I want you to know…if you start searching, then stop, because you then lost yourself. Taking a moment, a day, or a few weeks is important. Get back in-touch with who you are and then find an adventure to build on top of that.

I was asked a few days ago, “Why do we do that? Why do we go back?” This person described to me the cycle of weight gain and wanted to know my opinion on why we, as in people, stop something positive such as an exercise regimen only to start over at square one. My answer: comfort. People in general know how to get from point A to point B. We have done it several times. We always desire though, to go from point A to point C, but the path from B to C is the unknown, a level above our comfort.

As I stepped into that path between B and C, I no doubt was frightened. I was treading water that I didn’t know existed. I faced challenges I feared would destroy me. I can’t go back to A; I won’t go back to A as it only takes me to B…those are the words that keep my focus on point C. As I explained to this person, losing 5-15 pounds we have done over and over. Reaching the point beyond that involves the effort we are unsure if we even have. I am here to notify you that you indeed have that power…you have that strength. I approach all aspects of my life with this mind set. This is my life…there is no going back.

Believe in who you are…I do

~Nina~