Yesterday I got the opportunity to get out on the town. I hung out with an outstanding group of people from work…my friends. The celebration was to wish luck to a departing member of our team. Though he will be missed, his future is very bright!
Leading up to the night’s events last night I felt the urge to cancel my appearance. I just wanted to go home and become a slug. My energy was zapped. I decided that my presence was hoped for, so I followed through. I can’t explain the feelings that flowed through my veins as I freshened up. I curled my hair, changed my clothes, and applied my make-up. “What will the night hold?” I pondered. As I walked in I saw my friends, I had this warmth cascade over me as they welcomed me.
Through out the night I noticed eyes wandering towards my direction. Eye contact had been made and the nervousness settled in my stomach. Really, here I am settling into independence and making decisions for myself. The liberation from the constant emotional beat down has forced me to foster a healthier self image. Watching my figure being interpreted from others left me feeling as though I might actually be attractive. I will be honest, I smiled within…three children and I still have it.
Music filled the room and within minutes I found myself on the dance floor. Moving to the rhythm presented me with the need to allow all apprehension to lift from my body. My hips circled, my upper body flowed, and my feet wouldn’t stop. No inhibitions, I had nothing to lose. Having a good time was my only intention for the evening. Unexpectedly I stumbled into conversation with a couple of people. Laughter, the exchange of dialogue, and a departing hug…the night was a wonderful experience.
As the minutes rolled by today, I visualized the hour-glass of my existence. The sand appears to be at a more relaxed trickle than it had been months ago. I stood in front of the mirror and searched the soul of the woman looking back. Purpose, I am going to live out my intention. Love, serenity, passion…my life is beautiful.
The kids and I ventured to the park today. The priceless moments of pure innocence melt my heart. The boys giggling with the swaying cadence while swinging, my daughter’s playful banter as she enticed a game of cat and mouse. While chasing Chloe, Kaden and Connor grinned while watching. I found myself halting in mid stride. My precious girl inquired, “Momma, what is wrong?” I looked at her and responded, “Nothing Honey, Momma is just happy.” The moment was vitalizing…I am a survivor with an essence of strength. I couldn’t have asked for a better conclusion to my day. I love my children, I embrace my opportunity to do the best I can for us all.
My current trepidation is giving in to the tenacity of keeping my heart closed off. I fear that the accruing friendships or acquaintances will bring a positive aura that I am unfamiliar with. How will I grasp this? What will it be like to have different treatment, communications? I don’t have answers, but I do have a delight while awaiting new experiences. The unknown of my future warms the adventure begging to be endeavored.
Closing your eyes to live a fantasy within…
~Nina~
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Glad to hear you are getting out and enjoying yourself when the opportunity presents itself. That's important. ((((HUGS))))
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