Taken by Surprise

Communication is something I have always prided myself on. I feel fairly confident that my skills are adequate to express my emotions as well as present myself to be approachable. I do have trust issues with people, but those are for closer relationships that I may or could have with people. On the outside, I give everyone a fair chance and invite conversation.

Today I was faced with something that I was not expecting. I feel betrayed and very much hurt. As I pick up on all the subtle actions my insight to a situation is spot on before others realize it. I work very hard for everything I have and for the future. The load of responsibilities weighs heavily, but I feel my fight to maintain my carry of it vs. the dropping of it has been respectable. Confusion seeps in as I never would have expected this.

The information surfaced did strike home. I was hurt and my pain shed as the tears rolled down my cheeks. With the blindsiding emotion my stature wobbled with the uneasiness of a slowing top. I shut down and the skills I carry in communication were boarded up as I refuse to address the situation. Does it make it right? Probably not. Does it make it easy? Absolutely not. Will it change my demeanor in this aspect of my life? For sure it won’t! I will just express certain things with a different light. Life is a classroom full of opportunities to experience highs and lows. The lessons are the learning of how to interpret and handle them appropriately. I will work harder and take from this the positive of knowing I have more to give.

Initially I felt completely alone once again. Those first few hours the water crept above the line of comfort into the red of lost solitude. It was then that a hand touched my shoulder signaling to reach out. A person I hold near and dear to my heart turned towards me. This person has an amazing heart and our friendship holds deep roots. Without this person my tears may have continued. This is one person I do and know that I can whole-heartedly trust. Thank you for your support.

Right now, at this very second I am blank. What a day, but a necessary day. I have no concerns or ill feelings, but I have no excitement or elevation. I just have me, myself with the knowledge that tomorrow will bring a new day.

Painful yes…Moving forward

~Nina~