Missing in Action…Acts of Inner Peace

Certainly I have been gone for a few days and I apologize for my absence. The past four days have been amazing in all honesty. I have renewed friendships, celebrated accomplishments, fostered emotions of curiosity, and relaxed. What a wide range to experience, but the joy of living life presents triumphs with the little things as well.

Education…I did have seven days off prior to last week from school, but I am back on the horse as of last Tuesday. Learning is a pleasurable activity for me. My craving for knowledge will provide me with a great intellectual strength. Curiosity for how things work or what things mean constantly has me pondering the purpose of all things in existence. There is always room for improvement or a need in new skills, so I take in as much as I can.

I did go shopping this weekend. For those of you that know me, I mean really know me…I hate to go shopping. I have never been comfortable in clothes or with how I look in them. I can say that I don’t see in the mirror what others see as they gaze at me. Working towards a healthy self image has been something I have worked on for the past six months. I realized this weekend that I am finally finding it. I tried on an outfit or two, stood in front of the floor length mirror, and was struck with a new found confidence. I also stumbled upon a dress, as I have a wedding in a couple months, which was the purpose of my shopping endeavor in the first place. In the dressing room I thought to myself, there is no way that this will look decent on me. Sliding the ensemble over my head my heart began to race. My eyes were closed as I zipped up the back. Turning around I was lost with awe…who was that looking back at me? This woman…a woman with a guiding strength to be the best she that she can be, a woman with the desire to seek what she deserves…that is who was standing there peering back at me.

Another milestone fell upon the weekend as well. My boys, Kaden and Connor, had their first birthday. One year old, the moment was precious. As tradition holds, they each got their own little birthday cake to dig into. Without hesitation they dug in. In amazement I observed them with an emotional stupor while a silent tear fell inside upon my heart. The blessing of my three children aid in the continued drive that keeps me going everyday.

Last night I woke up from a dream. This vision held the softness of a hand touching my arm. The trailing of a few fingers down toward my hand left my heart to race. The vivid release of desire, of electricity exploded within my body as my fingers interlaced with those of another. Then I was standing…I could not see his face, but I could smell his cologne. I looked up and the shadows hide his face. A kiss…my entire essence felt light, my heart was pounding. I woke up only to find myself alone, but wondering who he was…

My appreciation for life gets deeper and deeper everyday. I had the notion that I would eventually reach a point where contentment would simply overflow my soul and my smile would mark the highest achievement. I am embracing the possibility of growing with a continued adventure of admiration for more. I can honestly say I feel the best I ever have, I feel the healthiest now then ever in my entire life. The energy of euphoria lifts my spirits even higher with each sunrise.

The future is my story waiting to unfold…One I want to share, to be told

~Nina~