There was discussion today on forgiveness. The idea was brought up and I began to wonder. What is forgiveness? What does it mean to me? Do I forgive him or can I forgive him? When dealing with a relationship, our relationship as it was abusive…the past facts, memories, and fear can present this cloud of haunt with the question of within.
To forgive him, in my eyes, would to accept who he is, what he has done, and find the inner peace for myself. I cannot look for him to perform in a manner that gets me to the point of forgiveness. I say this because forgiving him doesn’t erase what he has done to me. He abused me, he hurt me, he demeaned me…he took a part of my life from me.
I have a quote I want to share…
“Forgiveness allows us to let go of the pain in the memory and if we let go of the pain in the memory we can have the memory but it does not control us. When memory controls us we are then the puppets of the past.” ~Alexandra Asseily~
Question, this presents question for me and where I am at. Am I a puppet yet? I feel very in control of my life, of my destination, but the emotions of the hurt that was placed upon me still do creep in from the corner every now and then. I still silently ask, “Why,” but the episode of lapsed emotion is very short now. It doesn’t impact my day, it doesn’t re-route my efforts. I see it for what it is and move forward.
Knowing what I want out of my life is powerful. Before I searched for a purpose, I searched for what I could change within myself to make him happy. No more, I am here for me and my happiness! I know what I want and I am working towards that. I know that I can forgive him and I will, but right now I am not sure I am totally there. Allowing myself the proper channel of time will continue this heal.
I want to leave you with one last quote…
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” ~Lewis B. Smedes~
~Nina~
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