The last week of my life has been filled with more than one week should. Lots of talk, emotions, conversations, and weight from people that isn’t necessary. I don’t appreciate having the behavior I have received. Doing and being polite is my personal character. Getting pushed over and over…can that change a person? Will it change me? No, I will be who I am. I will not however continue to suffer harassment from people that do not hold the facts and investigate only to construct untrue conclusions.
Family, the average family in our nation is dysfunctional. The question is, “What is normal?” My opinion though is the demeanor of a family that I excepted as my own holds a level of uncertainty and trust was shattered due to their lack of control. My last words….
To Whom It May Concern:
Never once did I think I would be writing a letter of this nature to a family that I loved so dearly. You were a group of people I became honored to be apart of. I meshed quickly and the bond seemed to deepen. This is exactly why I am very disheartened as I sit here expressing the painful departure I am left with.
The signs were there, I reached out to each and every one of you. I needed help and the kids needed help. Pride stood in your way to realize what was happening behind closed doors. The experience of his first marriage and the image of his first wife clouded your ability to see the character you all appreciated at one time remains the woman you called family, the mother of your grandchildren. I haven’t changed from the first time I stepped through your front door. The respect of your first impression of me as you sat on the foot stool in the computer room that initial visit…I am and have always been that woman. The conversation we had in the truck after the July incident…emotion I greatly appreciated and followed through for. The personal conversations with both all are valued experiences. I am very saddened at the outcome of this family. These tears are of raw hurt and as painful as they are, I struggle to say goodbye.
When safety for the kids and I rose to the level of jeopardy, I did what I had to do. One person expressed that regardless of my having to do what I needed to do, she would not remove me from her heart and that my children and I would remain a part of the family. In email correspondences she expressed that she didn’t like that my husband was abusive to women or how he treated me. This person was someone both my husband and I tried to turn to. Her backside was the biggest shock to me. Another person told me in a conversation that several times I expressed that I couldn’t do or take this, meaning the marriage, anymore and she said I would have to do what I had to do. As you stand in the mirror and peer at your reflection, remember the personal behaviors you have experienced with him. Please, remember the red flags that you may have seen and never addressed with me. My husband explained that you would go to him and have talks with him after incidents that took place in your home (events he emotionally beat me down with as he described I embarrassed him in front of his family), such as him picking and berating me until I would run upstairs to vomit due to the emotion…did you once check on me or evaluate what this was doing to me. Remember that I was cooperative and remained sensitive to the surprise of this entire thing when it happened, but the kids and I lived with what we had on our backs and out of a hotel while he acted with rage, without cooperation. I never wanted to recruit you as support on my side, but what I received went beyond the fathomable.
The dissolving of this has happened with the trickling of several events. Sadly, material things and power struggles have crumbled all possibilities of reconciliation. Past experiences of sudden change in demeanor and feelings of awkwardness were extremely difficult, yes this includes the events of going from “I love you’s” and hugs to nothing was devastating, but crushing as 6 months later a woman put her soul into a heart felt gift, a gift both of you deserved, was the defining factor of respect yearned back.
Betrayed is exactly how I feel and the reason for this writing is due to the phone call made. Back in February I described the hurt I had from my family being a part of something I had no knowledge of as the equivalent of how your family felt with the cooperation of your family in a situation that left you feeling deceived. You said, “When you explain it like that, I understand and we apologize.” I understood this as you wouldn’t be involving my family or contacting them without my knowledge again. Two weeks after that I was informed of another phone call along with a recent phone call. Devastation, this is how your unethical behavior has weighted.
I want to state: This is why women don’t come forward. With everything I have been through with you or my own family, others of the community…I find myself thinking that staying would have been easier. Taking the abuse and living in fear left me feeling alone, in complete solitude, but this, this is just as painful. Women stay or leave in silence due to the treatment brought forth from many including you. Ask yourself, who in this world is deserving of a life with the fearing someone as badly as I have. Again, who is deserving of the pressure and disrespect received. More importantly, what child is deserving of living in such an environment that caused delay to development or behavioral affects. Certainly, my kids and I don’t. Even the kids’ Dad can recognize what it was doing to the kids, that the reality was there, and that the steps were necessary. Next time you want to be disappointed with my reactions to the life I was presented with, realize he could have lost his kids if I hadn’t taken the precautions I had. He could have lost any decent relationship with his kids as the abusive behavior was causing a wedge between him and his kids. Now, recently what I witness is a very healthy relationship and future with his children and this is very important to me, him, and our children.
As trust has been violated with my husband, so has the belief of my existence as a part of this family. I understand that as an event such as divorce happens a line gets drawn. You all have clearly traced that line until bold isn’t even the descriptor necessary. I again need to reiterate that I never imagined this coming, but unfortunately it has. This pains me to say goodbye, but is necessary as the emotional storm you bring just cannot burden my life or energy anymore.
Take care,
At this very moment I am burying the feelings of pain. It doesn’t matter who interprets what. Someone told me this week that you can’t control what happens on the other side. That is exactly right. I know who I am and what I have had to do. I can only control what they get from me and no more will I walk in shoes that are thankless. Moving forward isn’t easy and maintaining a path of recovery is just as difficult.
I am strong…I continue to prevail
~Nina~
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment