Refocus…Determination

Falling off the routine that I established for myself brought a sluggish desire to give up. You can see it in my entries; I felt it in my heart. Everything I have to do, each aspect of my life needs a great deal of focus and it became very easy for me to instead put a pair of sunglasses on. Leading a blind eye gave me what I thought was a sense of freedom or relief, but in actuality it caused me to fall behind and bring a frustrated struggle within.

I woke up one day last week and looked in the mirror. I asked myself, “What are you doing?” The response was a silent trickle of tears that rolled down my cheeks. I nodded and knew at that very moment my reflection was trying to reach out to me. Fight, don’t give up…my determination didn’t flip back like a switch; it took days to get myself put back together. I almost forgot the sense of accomplishment I had daily. Regardless of my exhaustion, I always felt as I was becoming a success while carrying pride in my efforts. Drawing in a breath at this very moment I feel relieved as I grasp the drive that marks my personal character.

As I take in my experiences, my life unfolds with a continued realization that there is not a point where the bar becomes lighter. The challenge of my personal integrity continues to prove strength as I climb the altitudes of independence. Certain hikes hold a steeper slope than others and that is the beauty of pressing through while developing stamina. Conditioning my emotional health brings increased physical capabilities. I strive to mold a well-rounded woman with unlimited inspirations.

Depression will not win. The demon that attempts to rob me of the elation my life embraces belongs in one place--the Inferno of Dante Alighieri's Divine Comedy. I refuse to surrender…my willpower presses to victory. Hands folded, I pray to the heavens above. Appreciation surfaced as the lesson taught remains that God’s belief in me is the rerouted belief I have in myself.

Natural cycle of life…Rising ring of recovery

~Nina~