Only a few feet separate their physical beings, but yet the feeling of miles pave a barrier between them. Slowly she guides her feet in his direction while her heart beats of a rapid pace. The gravitation he has as he reaches out to grasp her surrenders all focus from what surrounds them. At that very moment when they meet and intertwine with each other, she looks up with an innocent search. His eyes connect to confirm the security she longs for as he caresses her cheek guiding her lips to his. The electricity of their kiss surfaces a flutter within as each kiss feels like their first…
My heart raced as I woke up from this dream. There I was becoming encapsulated within my fantasy of that tender love I shed, only to be met with a faded image of return. While showering the hot water ran down my neck soothing the tension of my overloaded thoughts of my unknown future. As I tilted my head back I became overwhelmed with panic. Turning off the water I step out and immediately throw my towel around myself.
After sliding into my clothing the fabric draped over my body, covering me with a coy demeanor as I faced myself in the mirror. What would I do if a man pulled me close? My mind drifted again and in the reflection I could see him, the man of mystery, sweep my hair to one side as he kisses my neck. A rising level of nervousness left me questioning my ability to even get close to someone again.
Throughout the day I just pondered these feelings of timid fear. Can I open up…can I accept the security of another’s company? Getting to know someone and being faced with the step of physical contact forms alarm within as my heart skips a beat. The vulnerability one faces even with that first kiss…it is almost terrifying as I fight the urge to remain single. I have tossed around the idea of placing my wedding ring back on and becoming married to a life of solitude. It would be safer, after all no one can guard my heart better than I. Vowing with in I want to just settle into the acceptance of living alone.
I am fully aware of love and how it is natural to want to share one’s life. That is the purpose of this gift, to walk hand in hand with another’s, but today my heart raced with apprehension. I won’t fight it as it will make it worse. I will just embrace my emotions of the day and await the new visions of tomorrow.
To be honest I am nervous stepping into dreamland tonight. As my brain rests the true fantasies of my inner being surface without the pressing need to resist as my conscious mind displaces focus to something else. I long to be hugged…to be protected and I pray that he exists while in search to meet me. As I close my eyes and the scene is set, I will fully grasp the need my heart bleeds for and defy the beg of abrupt interruption by waking.
Anticipation raises nervousness…Imploded force to withdraw
~Nina~
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment