As a child and into my adolescent years I was the exceptionally tall gal with a brut-type build. Never did I ever feel girly nor have a desire to want to embrace feminine qualities. After all, why would I do that…I looked better in football pads than a dress, which is how I felt about my body structure. I wore little to no make-up and owned 2 pairs of dress pants at graduation. I was going to work in the Nursing field which gave me the privilege of wearing the figure concealing scrubs and leaving me comfortable.
Never have I had a shopping fetish or knowledge to piece together anything fashionable. I just accepted my style dismay as mine. Well, let me take you on a stroll of evolution!
Within the last year I have learned that I can appreciate my qualities of strength and ability to get dirty as I change the oil in my vehicle, but also I can put together a vision of a true woman with the soft luminance of beauty. The process has been slow, but my make-up kit involves choices I didn’t know could be possible and my closet holding professional attire of skirts, slacks, and various tops to layer. I do own a curling iron and have the comfort to use it. Each day I try and present the flourished woman that has evolved along this journey. I am now at the phase of accessories and how do I put a necklace with the ensemble…though funds are limited, I just slowly piece things together.
As I look in the mirror I find myself putting my sewing skills to use as I do my own tailor work to my clothing as my figure has slimmed down. I have gained the comfort of clothes that “fit.” I avoid the baggy look and try to step out of my comfort zone to continue to build upon my ever growing self-esteem. Now, one thing that has haunted me is, yes my height! I looked at women walking in nice shoes, elegant heels, and dreamt what it would be like to have that confidence myself. I always just said, “I would break an ankle if I wore something like that or I would faint as I was brought to a new altitude where the air is thin,” but my curiosity never faded. Guess what!!
You guessed it. I took a step, a giant step out of my comfort zone and bought my first pair approximately three months ago. It was awkward at first as I am just about 6 foot without assistance. The angle at which I was walking brought a fatigue in my legs as it felt like I had worked out heavily, but it was just my muscles adhering to this flaunted delicacy heels bring to a woman’s wardrobe. About six weeks ago there was a gal that gifted me around seven pairs of heels and I fell in love! The confidence a set of heels gives is beyond that heaven of a dark chocolate candy bar!!
Each day, regardless of the circumstances I just maintained that mindset of keeping one foot in front of the other. I have tried to keep my chin up and walk tall even when I felt itty bitty through the intimidation I lived. Most days I feel that I am an unnoticed part of society, an undetectable attribute to our society. I was wrong…
Someone stopped me a few days ago as I walked across the lobby. They told me that it was nice to see someone embrace their height and not allow it to stop them from wearing shoes such as mine. They continued to tell me that it made them proud to watch as my shoulders were back, my posture strong, and the grace I had in my step. They said, “You see too many tall women hunched over trying to hide it, but you…you just put it out there and you are beautiful.”
People do notice…even if you feel invisible, there are people watching…be proud.
I am!!!!!
~Nina~
August 31, 2010
Moonlight Glow…Dreams Live
August 28, 2010
Writing of love, peace, and dreams is my forte. I am connected with emotions and have a deep understanding on what feelings mean what as well as how to express these same feelings for others to understand. I can paint a vivid picture for a mind to visualize while placing the reader in that scene. At one time I felt undeserving to live or experience dreams, but have learned otherwise. As I sit here and carry this particular vision, I invite you to embrace the same emotions of purity…
Taking her by the hand, he leads her down a path in a remote and quiet area. The moon was placed perfectly upon the star-brilliant sky. The water illuminated a reflection of the pure beauty of the nighttime air. The dock awaited them and as they place a footing on the look out her heart began to race as it was all taken right from a movie.
The moon drew her in and she was pulled to the corner. Closing her eyes she drew in a long and calming breath. Just as air kissed her cheek he took her by her elbow and guided her to him. Without notice a melody filled the air and he asked her to dance. The glimmer in her eye as the moonlight cascaded down on them allowed his soul to be touch with tranquility. Her beauty paralyzed his essence and together they embraced the moment. Dancing beneath the stars surfaced a new level to their relationship and moving as one brought unity to their heartbeats.
As she turned she gazed back at him and flashed that look of seduction. Climbing up onto the railing she sat and leaned back as to allow the emotions to brace her. The glow flowed to her forehead and trickled down her neck to shimmer her internal beauty on the outside. As he approached her, he was in awe as she peered over her shoulder. Taking a mental snapshot he never wanted to forget this moment. Adoration filled him as a woman of luminosity connected with his gaze. Moments of virtuousness…treasured time.
As I lay my head to rest this dream plays over and over within my mind. The vivid placement leaves me feeling as though dreamt fantasies can become realities. Grasping my womanhood I can and will play the leading lady some day.
Moments dreamt…Moments embraced
~Nina~
Writing of love, peace, and dreams is my forte. I am connected with emotions and have a deep understanding on what feelings mean what as well as how to express these same feelings for others to understand. I can paint a vivid picture for a mind to visualize while placing the reader in that scene. At one time I felt undeserving to live or experience dreams, but have learned otherwise. As I sit here and carry this particular vision, I invite you to embrace the same emotions of purity…
Taking her by the hand, he leads her down a path in a remote and quiet area. The moon was placed perfectly upon the star-brilliant sky. The water illuminated a reflection of the pure beauty of the nighttime air. The dock awaited them and as they place a footing on the look out her heart began to race as it was all taken right from a movie.
The moon drew her in and she was pulled to the corner. Closing her eyes she drew in a long and calming breath. Just as air kissed her cheek he took her by her elbow and guided her to him. Without notice a melody filled the air and he asked her to dance. The glimmer in her eye as the moonlight cascaded down on them allowed his soul to be touch with tranquility. Her beauty paralyzed his essence and together they embraced the moment. Dancing beneath the stars surfaced a new level to their relationship and moving as one brought unity to their heartbeats.
As she turned she gazed back at him and flashed that look of seduction. Climbing up onto the railing she sat and leaned back as to allow the emotions to brace her. The glow flowed to her forehead and trickled down her neck to shimmer her internal beauty on the outside. As he approached her, he was in awe as she peered over her shoulder. Taking a mental snapshot he never wanted to forget this moment. Adoration filled him as a woman of luminosity connected with his gaze. Moments of virtuousness…treasured time.
As I lay my head to rest this dream plays over and over within my mind. The vivid placement leaves me feeling as though dreamt fantasies can become realities. Grasping my womanhood I can and will play the leading lady some day.
Moments dreamt…Moments embraced
~Nina~
Paper and Pen…All Days Captured
August 27, 2010
The past week I have been surrounded with many tasks and just the exhaustion of daily living. I once felt that I must get to the computer everyday and if I didn’t post that night that I lost that day. Eventually the stress of what I have on my plate as a single parent and my dreams of an inspired author started to make me question whether or not I should write anymore. What I decided to do was forgive myself and let the pressures of life press someone else. On days that I can’t make it to the computer I jot my day, my emotions, and experiences on paper which gives me the opportunity to post it at a time that I can sit down undisturbed. When I started this approach I felt very much relaxed as I was still able to lay my true adventure out to be embraced by all of my followers. I want to thank each of you for your patience and understanding as to why I have been offline lately, but rest assured I am here.
Some days slip between my fingers like delicate white sand. No matter how hard I try to hold on to it my time trickles leaving a path of tasks I wanted, but didn’t get done for the day behind me as I am forced into the next hour…the next day. Learning the effects of stress on a physical level I have done some rerouting on how to handle the emotions of what may feel like an unfinished day to a successful day. I know each day that I give it my all and if the unknown curveballs derail my intended goals for that day, guess what…tomorrow can be tweaked to surface those accomplishments. Since evolving my mentality on leaving things for the next day and relaxing my internal drive to do 1,000 things at one time really has brought a whole new sense of well-being within for me. Now I break those 1,000 things into little batches over various days. Now I don’t feel like a failure anymore if I can’t manage to get every piece of clothing put away or the dishes washed. I have a different sense of self worth as I was able to adapt to my day and still close my eyes knowing that I did give 110% to my children and that is what is the most important to me.
Making myself accountable and still having that drive keeps me in line that I don’t become too relaxed and let things go unattended. It is that balance that I have that has brought me to a healthier approach to life while giving me the ability to fully embrace the beauty of each day. I am more than grateful and to appreciate all that I have I do what I can to give back. Overall I just feel complete and that holistic emotion is a damn good feeling!!
Days may pass…But all is still captured
~Nina~
The past week I have been surrounded with many tasks and just the exhaustion of daily living. I once felt that I must get to the computer everyday and if I didn’t post that night that I lost that day. Eventually the stress of what I have on my plate as a single parent and my dreams of an inspired author started to make me question whether or not I should write anymore. What I decided to do was forgive myself and let the pressures of life press someone else. On days that I can’t make it to the computer I jot my day, my emotions, and experiences on paper which gives me the opportunity to post it at a time that I can sit down undisturbed. When I started this approach I felt very much relaxed as I was still able to lay my true adventure out to be embraced by all of my followers. I want to thank each of you for your patience and understanding as to why I have been offline lately, but rest assured I am here.
Some days slip between my fingers like delicate white sand. No matter how hard I try to hold on to it my time trickles leaving a path of tasks I wanted, but didn’t get done for the day behind me as I am forced into the next hour…the next day. Learning the effects of stress on a physical level I have done some rerouting on how to handle the emotions of what may feel like an unfinished day to a successful day. I know each day that I give it my all and if the unknown curveballs derail my intended goals for that day, guess what…tomorrow can be tweaked to surface those accomplishments. Since evolving my mentality on leaving things for the next day and relaxing my internal drive to do 1,000 things at one time really has brought a whole new sense of well-being within for me. Now I break those 1,000 things into little batches over various days. Now I don’t feel like a failure anymore if I can’t manage to get every piece of clothing put away or the dishes washed. I have a different sense of self worth as I was able to adapt to my day and still close my eyes knowing that I did give 110% to my children and that is what is the most important to me.
Making myself accountable and still having that drive keeps me in line that I don’t become too relaxed and let things go unattended. It is that balance that I have that has brought me to a healthier approach to life while giving me the ability to fully embrace the beauty of each day. I am more than grateful and to appreciate all that I have I do what I can to give back. Overall I just feel complete and that holistic emotion is a damn good feeling!!
Days may pass…But all is still captured
~Nina~
Bubble Baths to Bachelor’s Degree
August 26, 2010
Each day I have this train of various concerns, ponders, and contemplations drift through my mind to mingle with my current day’s deliberations. My overall mindset or thought process places weight in the bigger picture which in turn effects the little things or choices I make each day. What I do now will impact tomorrow which will then impact exponentially into my future. When I put all the pieces together and complete the puzzle I hope to see the future I once visualized. I have that balance of looking ahead and reevaluating the now while using my insight to maintain that cohesive energy for my specific desired outcome.
Today I had focus yet again on my babies and their futures. In the back of my mind I constantly wonder how I will get my children through elementary school, into middle school, and transition to high school. I wonder how I will guide them through their foundational education years and into their college years. How will I assist them? Will I be able to assist them? I as a parent want to do my homework now for a better outcome for them in the future.
Many things go into play such as keeping their interest in the adventure of learning fueled. Reading, coloring, playing with shapes, colors, and concepts…creating that same hunger for knowledge as their Momma has is a goal that gets daily efforts. Also helping to teach them how balance their responsibilities and healthy recreation will be important. Holding them accountable for their behavior even in these early stages can be challenging but essential for their future years. Fostering their passions and supporting their dreams…I will do what I can to guide them through their voyage of life and education. Their aspirations are my inspirations!
As a mother I hope to be able to financially help dreams become realities, but I must instill responsibility within each of them when it comes to money. I will teach them by my example and together we will reap of the benefits of earned accomplishments without the reward of a particular dollar sign. Funding and assisting them is a goal I will achieve, but the value of what I have done for them will be reflected with their appreciation and responsibility for life. Life isn’t about the wad of cash in your pocket, but the hours of dedication and hard work placed into a project of desire or goal. These are all qualities I hope to inherit to my children. Looking at what we have and not what we could have will root happiness within them and cease the structure today’s society with the search of how to get more with little to no effort. Materials don’t foster that true and innocent joy in life…our values and morals instilled with family do.
As we ventured through our nighttime routine I kept reminding myself that their moments today become tomorrow’s memories. The skills they learn today will be tomorrow’s foundation. While splashing in the tub they giggled as they got Mom all wet, but what they don’t realize is that I was soaked with motivation and energy to be the best I can for them. As I gazed into their bath water the bubbles dissolved into the future and I could see the black cap and gown. Smiling within I know that the warmth I have now with this visual will be a reality within the blink of an eye. Time passes faster than spilled salt and tonight I embraced my here and now.
Toddler years…Foundation Solid
~Nina~
Each day I have this train of various concerns, ponders, and contemplations drift through my mind to mingle with my current day’s deliberations. My overall mindset or thought process places weight in the bigger picture which in turn effects the little things or choices I make each day. What I do now will impact tomorrow which will then impact exponentially into my future. When I put all the pieces together and complete the puzzle I hope to see the future I once visualized. I have that balance of looking ahead and reevaluating the now while using my insight to maintain that cohesive energy for my specific desired outcome.
Today I had focus yet again on my babies and their futures. In the back of my mind I constantly wonder how I will get my children through elementary school, into middle school, and transition to high school. I wonder how I will guide them through their foundational education years and into their college years. How will I assist them? Will I be able to assist them? I as a parent want to do my homework now for a better outcome for them in the future.
Many things go into play such as keeping their interest in the adventure of learning fueled. Reading, coloring, playing with shapes, colors, and concepts…creating that same hunger for knowledge as their Momma has is a goal that gets daily efforts. Also helping to teach them how balance their responsibilities and healthy recreation will be important. Holding them accountable for their behavior even in these early stages can be challenging but essential for their future years. Fostering their passions and supporting their dreams…I will do what I can to guide them through their voyage of life and education. Their aspirations are my inspirations!
As a mother I hope to be able to financially help dreams become realities, but I must instill responsibility within each of them when it comes to money. I will teach them by my example and together we will reap of the benefits of earned accomplishments without the reward of a particular dollar sign. Funding and assisting them is a goal I will achieve, but the value of what I have done for them will be reflected with their appreciation and responsibility for life. Life isn’t about the wad of cash in your pocket, but the hours of dedication and hard work placed into a project of desire or goal. These are all qualities I hope to inherit to my children. Looking at what we have and not what we could have will root happiness within them and cease the structure today’s society with the search of how to get more with little to no effort. Materials don’t foster that true and innocent joy in life…our values and morals instilled with family do.
As we ventured through our nighttime routine I kept reminding myself that their moments today become tomorrow’s memories. The skills they learn today will be tomorrow’s foundation. While splashing in the tub they giggled as they got Mom all wet, but what they don’t realize is that I was soaked with motivation and energy to be the best I can for them. As I gazed into their bath water the bubbles dissolved into the future and I could see the black cap and gown. Smiling within I know that the warmth I have now with this visual will be a reality within the blink of an eye. Time passes faster than spilled salt and tonight I embraced my here and now.
Toddler years…Foundation Solid
~Nina~
Romantic by Nature…Love’s Response
August 25, 2010
Being a part of a whole new world I have finally grasped my role as a single lady. It is different as I walk around gazing and people watching. The visuals I am presented with as men approach me have left me wondering just how to screen for that quality partner to experience life with. I have learned that I know just what I want and what I need. That man of mystery…a man who wants to grab life and live, he is out there somewhere.
Close your eyes and find that picture of when you first laid eyes on your significant other. Embrace those memories of the early stages when your relationship just started to blossom. Can you see it….the first date, the beginning days, and those initial weeks? Think about how your heart raced as you visualized his face or you first swept her hair behind her ear. Remember that attempt at a balance of your wanting to be accessible, yet playing hard to get. The warming sensation of when you looked inside and realizing that you have fallen in love with this person…precious, priceless moments forever treasured. Young love, old love, new love, long love…as you have journeyed with your partner take a moment to remember one moment that was of great awe--the first kiss.
As I ponder with anticipation, this flutter of emotion surfaces as I visualize this monumental moment. I am a confident woman and not much can make me nervous, but the idea of “a first kiss” has me in a turmoil. I am excited, yet scared. I am anxious, but timid. My heart races, but stops. What will it be when I have the opportunity to share a first kiss?
Closing my eyes I am presented with this visual…
He is sitting in the corner of the couch. His fingers just under his chin as he rests his elbow on the arm of the divan, there is this sense of ponder across his face. She comes into the room, wanting to snuggle as they had for the first time a few days prior, but is still unsure as to where they are going with their relationship. Awkwardly she turns and begins to position herself next to him, but is warmed with relief as he wraps his arms around her pulling her close to him. Leaning into him, resting on his chest her heart begins to race. The scent of his cologne fills her senses and the patter of attraction begins to beat louder.
A flood of emotions does release as they are intertwined. Her desire for him continues to grow as the safety he brings to her encases her entire being. Trailing her fingers down his arm presents her intentions to relay the message of softness she will bring to him. The tenderness as he guides a strand of hair behind her ear…the caressing of his hand down her neck, it is so sensual. The yearning grasp is strong as he just squeezes her and at this moment she draws in a deep, cool breath as she allows the mutual feeling of appetence surround them. His kiss to the top of her head drifts her mind with wonder upon if tonight will be the night…their first kiss.
As the moment grows with an intense apprehension she can feel his body language bounce between yes and no. His energy is eager yet timid. Her inhibitions melt as he holds her. The touch, their embrace for one another is delicate. As he kisses her cheek her insides begin to implode, pleading for him to kiss her. Closing her eyes she just allows her sense of touch to heighten and feel his aura as they slowly meet one another’s lips. The softness, the elegance of their connection sets her free. Arousal burns, but simmers with his affectionate touch. She lets go and loses herself in the moment, a treasured time captured forever.
Love is a tender and viable part of life. I have the desire to share my experiences with someone; I want to give my heart to another as he shares his. I am a romantic by ease as it is a dominate characteristic of my personality. I believe in the power of love and one day, when the time is right, I may have another chance at it.
The first kiss…A tender kiss
~Nina~
Being a part of a whole new world I have finally grasped my role as a single lady. It is different as I walk around gazing and people watching. The visuals I am presented with as men approach me have left me wondering just how to screen for that quality partner to experience life with. I have learned that I know just what I want and what I need. That man of mystery…a man who wants to grab life and live, he is out there somewhere.
Close your eyes and find that picture of when you first laid eyes on your significant other. Embrace those memories of the early stages when your relationship just started to blossom. Can you see it….the first date, the beginning days, and those initial weeks? Think about how your heart raced as you visualized his face or you first swept her hair behind her ear. Remember that attempt at a balance of your wanting to be accessible, yet playing hard to get. The warming sensation of when you looked inside and realizing that you have fallen in love with this person…precious, priceless moments forever treasured. Young love, old love, new love, long love…as you have journeyed with your partner take a moment to remember one moment that was of great awe--the first kiss.
As I ponder with anticipation, this flutter of emotion surfaces as I visualize this monumental moment. I am a confident woman and not much can make me nervous, but the idea of “a first kiss” has me in a turmoil. I am excited, yet scared. I am anxious, but timid. My heart races, but stops. What will it be when I have the opportunity to share a first kiss?
Closing my eyes I am presented with this visual…
He is sitting in the corner of the couch. His fingers just under his chin as he rests his elbow on the arm of the divan, there is this sense of ponder across his face. She comes into the room, wanting to snuggle as they had for the first time a few days prior, but is still unsure as to where they are going with their relationship. Awkwardly she turns and begins to position herself next to him, but is warmed with relief as he wraps his arms around her pulling her close to him. Leaning into him, resting on his chest her heart begins to race. The scent of his cologne fills her senses and the patter of attraction begins to beat louder.
A flood of emotions does release as they are intertwined. Her desire for him continues to grow as the safety he brings to her encases her entire being. Trailing her fingers down his arm presents her intentions to relay the message of softness she will bring to him. The tenderness as he guides a strand of hair behind her ear…the caressing of his hand down her neck, it is so sensual. The yearning grasp is strong as he just squeezes her and at this moment she draws in a deep, cool breath as she allows the mutual feeling of appetence surround them. His kiss to the top of her head drifts her mind with wonder upon if tonight will be the night…their first kiss.
As the moment grows with an intense apprehension she can feel his body language bounce between yes and no. His energy is eager yet timid. Her inhibitions melt as he holds her. The touch, their embrace for one another is delicate. As he kisses her cheek her insides begin to implode, pleading for him to kiss her. Closing her eyes she just allows her sense of touch to heighten and feel his aura as they slowly meet one another’s lips. The softness, the elegance of their connection sets her free. Arousal burns, but simmers with his affectionate touch. She lets go and loses herself in the moment, a treasured time captured forever.
Love is a tender and viable part of life. I have the desire to share my experiences with someone; I want to give my heart to another as he shares his. I am a romantic by ease as it is a dominate characteristic of my personality. I believe in the power of love and one day, when the time is right, I may have another chance at it.
The first kiss…A tender kiss
~Nina~
Day by Day…Passing my Time
August 24, 2010
The end of August is quickly approaching. As I am about to bundle up all my lessons and days of learning here this month I am proud of where and how far I have come. I remember when I first started this blog, it was the journey of my survival from a life of struggle and overcoming of separating from dismay. My pure intentions are to grab you by the hand and lead you on this adventure of life…a life filled with many trials and tribulations along with unlimited triumphs and precious rewards.
My introduction to myself and this journal is as follows…
I am a woman seeking the survival of love, life, and motherhood. My trials and triumphs have marked my personal character. Follow my journey as I separate from a life of domestic abuse and gather the strength to strive for my aspirations. ~Life is not about finding yourself...it is about creating yourself~
As I separated from a life of domestic abuse I have stepped into the world. Survival for months was to just rise above from the pain and heartache of the days of disarray. As I brainstorm on the direction of my writings each day I will always capture that day’s emotion. Yes, the main weight of this journal included the fear, the sadness, the leaving of my marriage…the idea and struggle of “surviving.” Looking back to my profile information I say, “the survival of love, life, and motherhood,” and that is the purpose of my daily written composure. I am here bringing light to my path and experiences with the hope to inspire others while giving them faith that any tragic event can be worked through and that life is a voyage of unknown certainties, but also a blessed gift all of in itself.
The entries I post now are so enlightening and prevalent with strength. I am proud and these truly were the moments I wanted this to be of, but my current experiences and emotions couldn’t have been captured with out going through all those initial days of roller coastered events. This has been a self-development expedition with many days of learning within.
As I travel back within the last few weeks I see paragraphs saturated with joy, growth, happiness, inspiration…where I am is powerful and honestly a dream come true. Moving forward I will still have the days of sadness or struggle, but not to the level I have. I will maintain my internal efforts as I have and keep my focus on the positive. My experiences, the exposure to my life not only has brought me the benefits of sifting through emotions and the ability to fully express my inside emotion, but it has brought validity to many emotions my various readers have had as well.
As I step into the next era of my life you will venture into the heart of my writings and begin to embrace this gift, a life lived to the fullest. You will experience the raw experience of parenthood as I share the growth and challenge of raising my children. Also you will ride the coat-tails of that great unknown mystery of love. Hand in hand you will gather the balance I seek everyday…
Here’s to Love, Life, and Motherhood
~Nina~
The end of August is quickly approaching. As I am about to bundle up all my lessons and days of learning here this month I am proud of where and how far I have come. I remember when I first started this blog, it was the journey of my survival from a life of struggle and overcoming of separating from dismay. My pure intentions are to grab you by the hand and lead you on this adventure of life…a life filled with many trials and tribulations along with unlimited triumphs and precious rewards.
My introduction to myself and this journal is as follows…
I am a woman seeking the survival of love, life, and motherhood. My trials and triumphs have marked my personal character. Follow my journey as I separate from a life of domestic abuse and gather the strength to strive for my aspirations. ~Life is not about finding yourself...it is about creating yourself~
As I separated from a life of domestic abuse I have stepped into the world. Survival for months was to just rise above from the pain and heartache of the days of disarray. As I brainstorm on the direction of my writings each day I will always capture that day’s emotion. Yes, the main weight of this journal included the fear, the sadness, the leaving of my marriage…the idea and struggle of “surviving.” Looking back to my profile information I say, “the survival of love, life, and motherhood,” and that is the purpose of my daily written composure. I am here bringing light to my path and experiences with the hope to inspire others while giving them faith that any tragic event can be worked through and that life is a voyage of unknown certainties, but also a blessed gift all of in itself.
The entries I post now are so enlightening and prevalent with strength. I am proud and these truly were the moments I wanted this to be of, but my current experiences and emotions couldn’t have been captured with out going through all those initial days of roller coastered events. This has been a self-development expedition with many days of learning within.
As I travel back within the last few weeks I see paragraphs saturated with joy, growth, happiness, inspiration…where I am is powerful and honestly a dream come true. Moving forward I will still have the days of sadness or struggle, but not to the level I have. I will maintain my internal efforts as I have and keep my focus on the positive. My experiences, the exposure to my life not only has brought me the benefits of sifting through emotions and the ability to fully express my inside emotion, but it has brought validity to many emotions my various readers have had as well.
As I step into the next era of my life you will venture into the heart of my writings and begin to embrace this gift, a life lived to the fullest. You will experience the raw experience of parenthood as I share the growth and challenge of raising my children. Also you will ride the coat-tails of that great unknown mystery of love. Hand in hand you will gather the balance I seek everyday…
Here’s to Love, Life, and Motherhood
~Nina~
August 30, 2010
Packaged Dismay…Refocuses Space
August 23, 2010
Over the past four to five weeks I have slowly packed the belongings of my future ex-husband. This was not an easy avenue to venture. Placing items of someone I loved into a box presented struggle as I felt I was giving up that last and final hope. I was faced with the finalizing of my good-bye. I will say this until the day I die…this is not how I wanted our relationship to go. I still have hope for him, but it is now channeled into the faith I have that he can be healthy for himself and our children.
To simplify the process I only approached one room at a time. I started with the least painful with hopes to prepare myself for the most difficult. Over the course of sifting through one room I would then take time to fully embark my emotions and recover from the flood of pain that rushed within my heart. My theory to ease the hurt of the final room only posed 50% accuracy. I struggled as I have finally taken him out of that last room…our bedroom. Emotional I was, but I had support surrounding me on this day bringing ease to the wound in my heart.
Closing that last box symbolizes the heartache and pain being packaged up as it is being removed from my life. As I lifted the enclosed contents of past anguish and fear, I illuminated the strength I have incurred from this entire process. Securing all his belongings, I have respected him as a part of my life. He is the father of my children, a man I worked very hard fore…a man I have loved. I only remove him from my physical space. I have no intentions to attempt to erase him from my memories or heart. As I organize my living space and rearrange my life I will refocus my energy on what was positive and not put weight in the entire negative perspective.
Closing this sachet closes this chapter. My life is waiting to take me by the hand and lead me to the great unknown of my adventure. I can grow and blossom. My heart is that of a rose garden with the similar needs of tender care, abundant sunshine, and protection from the violent turbulence of the winds. With these elements in place the array of colors to bloom will be remarkable. My opportunities are endless!
Rearview mirror…The reflection of what was, not what will be
~Nina~
Over the past four to five weeks I have slowly packed the belongings of my future ex-husband. This was not an easy avenue to venture. Placing items of someone I loved into a box presented struggle as I felt I was giving up that last and final hope. I was faced with the finalizing of my good-bye. I will say this until the day I die…this is not how I wanted our relationship to go. I still have hope for him, but it is now channeled into the faith I have that he can be healthy for himself and our children.
To simplify the process I only approached one room at a time. I started with the least painful with hopes to prepare myself for the most difficult. Over the course of sifting through one room I would then take time to fully embark my emotions and recover from the flood of pain that rushed within my heart. My theory to ease the hurt of the final room only posed 50% accuracy. I struggled as I have finally taken him out of that last room…our bedroom. Emotional I was, but I had support surrounding me on this day bringing ease to the wound in my heart.
Closing that last box symbolizes the heartache and pain being packaged up as it is being removed from my life. As I lifted the enclosed contents of past anguish and fear, I illuminated the strength I have incurred from this entire process. Securing all his belongings, I have respected him as a part of my life. He is the father of my children, a man I worked very hard fore…a man I have loved. I only remove him from my physical space. I have no intentions to attempt to erase him from my memories or heart. As I organize my living space and rearrange my life I will refocus my energy on what was positive and not put weight in the entire negative perspective.
Closing this sachet closes this chapter. My life is waiting to take me by the hand and lead me to the great unknown of my adventure. I can grow and blossom. My heart is that of a rose garden with the similar needs of tender care, abundant sunshine, and protection from the violent turbulence of the winds. With these elements in place the array of colors to bloom will be remarkable. My opportunities are endless!
Rearview mirror…The reflection of what was, not what will be
~Nina~
Weekend Adventure…Memories Treasured
August 22, 2010
The past two days have been amazing. I do struggle to construct the right words to articulate the time of simple moments of priceless value my children and I have experienced, but I will try my best. Sitting down I feel tuckered out, though every effort is more than worth the hearty giggles and memories of happiness for my children.
Activities of our weekend include the making of homemade pizzas, the stirring of homemade ice cream, the rides of a toddler jeep, the roasting of marshmallows, the game of chase mom, and the snuggle of deep love. We also enjoyed some company and shared time giving to others these moments of innocence.
As a parent my goals include raising my children with morals and values beyond the average. I strive to balance discipline to teach respect and surround them with great love to guide a deep sense of compassion within. I hope they have enjoyed their childhoods and treasure all these moments we have shared. I have no expectation of a payout or token of appreciation because my reward each day is the proof of my endearing energy as it reflects upon each of their tiny faces. Pure happiness shines as they smile regardless of the day’s events.
As the years pass and my children age they will never be faced with the reality of our previous home life or what I have gone through. I will shield them from having to imagine the experience and just remain their focus on their own futures as well. This behind-the-scene effort to rise above and the process of survival is for mine to endure only. Their delicate minds will not ever be clouded with the events of the past months or future comings. I refuse to let this steal their childhoods. Being mom, I will worry about the adult things and the process as they will do what kids should…eat, play, and grow.
Weekends like this are moments each one of us all need. I can wrap my arms around them and embrace every phase of development, but tonight I can bottle them up as wee-ones giggling while trying to role away from me or run as they try to catch me. Tonight I will remember them as my babies forever.
Bundles of joy…Lifetime of laughter
~Nina~
The past two days have been amazing. I do struggle to construct the right words to articulate the time of simple moments of priceless value my children and I have experienced, but I will try my best. Sitting down I feel tuckered out, though every effort is more than worth the hearty giggles and memories of happiness for my children.
Activities of our weekend include the making of homemade pizzas, the stirring of homemade ice cream, the rides of a toddler jeep, the roasting of marshmallows, the game of chase mom, and the snuggle of deep love. We also enjoyed some company and shared time giving to others these moments of innocence.
As a parent my goals include raising my children with morals and values beyond the average. I strive to balance discipline to teach respect and surround them with great love to guide a deep sense of compassion within. I hope they have enjoyed their childhoods and treasure all these moments we have shared. I have no expectation of a payout or token of appreciation because my reward each day is the proof of my endearing energy as it reflects upon each of their tiny faces. Pure happiness shines as they smile regardless of the day’s events.
As the years pass and my children age they will never be faced with the reality of our previous home life or what I have gone through. I will shield them from having to imagine the experience and just remain their focus on their own futures as well. This behind-the-scene effort to rise above and the process of survival is for mine to endure only. Their delicate minds will not ever be clouded with the events of the past months or future comings. I refuse to let this steal their childhoods. Being mom, I will worry about the adult things and the process as they will do what kids should…eat, play, and grow.
Weekends like this are moments each one of us all need. I can wrap my arms around them and embrace every phase of development, but tonight I can bottle them up as wee-ones giggling while trying to role away from me or run as they try to catch me. Tonight I will remember them as my babies forever.
Bundles of joy…Lifetime of laughter
~Nina~
Let the Good Times Roll
August 20, 2010
It is Friday night and this gal does have some plans. A good friend of mine is having a birthday party for their spouse’s birthday. I have been friends with the couple for a few years now and time keeps passing by we never fully lose our connection. I cannot wait to catch up and take it from where we left off. It will be a great time.
Upon laying my children down, I smiled as tonight I will get some time as an adult. I devote my every energy and effort to my sweet blessings. Being a mother is my first priority and I whole-heartedly honor my responsibilities. I am proud to be a parent, they are my number one!
Being an adult with a plateful of healthy obligations brings challenge in itself, but the challenge of finding that balance of parenthood and adulthood is important. Being a single mother and with the surrounding circumstances presents even more of a juggle to the world of socialization, but I try my best.
I don’t go out much, but once in a blue moon. I can count on one hand how many times in the last 8 months I have not tucked my children as a result of my going out. I always take care of my children first, after all bedtime is a favorite of mine. I again tonight put my sweet darlings to bed and kissed them good night. As I enjoy the company of a few old friends I will be embraced by the innocence of life…my life!
Balance…all about balance
~Nina~
It is Friday night and this gal does have some plans. A good friend of mine is having a birthday party for their spouse’s birthday. I have been friends with the couple for a few years now and time keeps passing by we never fully lose our connection. I cannot wait to catch up and take it from where we left off. It will be a great time.
Upon laying my children down, I smiled as tonight I will get some time as an adult. I devote my every energy and effort to my sweet blessings. Being a mother is my first priority and I whole-heartedly honor my responsibilities. I am proud to be a parent, they are my number one!
Being an adult with a plateful of healthy obligations brings challenge in itself, but the challenge of finding that balance of parenthood and adulthood is important. Being a single mother and with the surrounding circumstances presents even more of a juggle to the world of socialization, but I try my best.
I don’t go out much, but once in a blue moon. I can count on one hand how many times in the last 8 months I have not tucked my children as a result of my going out. I always take care of my children first, after all bedtime is a favorite of mine. I again tonight put my sweet darlings to bed and kissed them good night. As I enjoy the company of a few old friends I will be embraced by the innocence of life…my life!
Balance…all about balance
~Nina~
August 20, 2010
Day of Routine…Established Appreciation
August 19, 2010
I woke up this morning feeling very refreshed. My ability to sleep has been much better lately and the clear atmosphere of my mind is revitalizing. I was a little sluggish this morning with pulling the covers back as I just wanted to lay there and remain wrapped with the pure serenity of the moment, but did get myself up eventually. I have become accustomed to my morning routine of rising early, getting ready for work, packing a healthy lunch, waking my wee-ones, getting them dressed for daycare, and getting us all loaded up to venture into the day. It may sound like a lot, but in general our mornings are a smooth operation.
Work had been very busy for me today. My mind wandered here and there to ponder my revelations of the day, but was quickly faded as I dove into another task of priority. By lunchtime I did notice that I had this overall sense of stillness within. At first I thought this was my calm before the storm, but decided that this was my life. I smiled as I opened up the salad I had prepared for myself and mingled with my usual lunch partner. I am here, I am normal…I am just living my life.
I punched out and there it was, just part of my day complete. Before walking out, I turned to look at my office. Even my work space as transformed along this journey just as I have inside. I was proud at that very second of all my efforts towards my job with hopes of a future career. My knowledge gained and this yearn within of more will continue to drive me to success.
Walking to my vehicle it hit me; it is just an average day. I was off to gather my three little ones, make supper, bathes, playtime adventures, bedtimes, and household chores…my routine and solid agenda for each day. Today has been that normal day of simplicity and I love it. Climbing into my vehicle I chuckled, I have a common set of wheels with a ding in the bumper as someone had backed into me and the standard mess of three children in transport within. I buckled my seat belt and nodded. Being approved of others means nothing if you do not approve of yourself. At that moment I was more than approving, I was damn proud!
Financially, I don’t have lots of money, heck I hardly have enough money, but all my bills are paid and every one of my children’s needs are met. I work very hard each day and feel totally exhausted most days, but I have earned everything with devotion and determination. I understand who I am. I respect myself as well as others. I have three beautiful children whom all giggle of innocence and smile brighter than the summer sun. At the end of the day I tuck them in, kiss them goodnight, whisper my “I love you’s,” and turn the light off as we each drift to dreamland. To others I may not appear to have much, but I feel like I am the richest woman in all the land.
Life is about the simple pleasures, the moments of relaxed nature without a lavish price tag. The gift I have been given is precious and I appreciate it more with each sunrise. I didn’t find life, it found me!
Facile moments…Treasured forever
~Nina~
I woke up this morning feeling very refreshed. My ability to sleep has been much better lately and the clear atmosphere of my mind is revitalizing. I was a little sluggish this morning with pulling the covers back as I just wanted to lay there and remain wrapped with the pure serenity of the moment, but did get myself up eventually. I have become accustomed to my morning routine of rising early, getting ready for work, packing a healthy lunch, waking my wee-ones, getting them dressed for daycare, and getting us all loaded up to venture into the day. It may sound like a lot, but in general our mornings are a smooth operation.
Work had been very busy for me today. My mind wandered here and there to ponder my revelations of the day, but was quickly faded as I dove into another task of priority. By lunchtime I did notice that I had this overall sense of stillness within. At first I thought this was my calm before the storm, but decided that this was my life. I smiled as I opened up the salad I had prepared for myself and mingled with my usual lunch partner. I am here, I am normal…I am just living my life.
I punched out and there it was, just part of my day complete. Before walking out, I turned to look at my office. Even my work space as transformed along this journey just as I have inside. I was proud at that very second of all my efforts towards my job with hopes of a future career. My knowledge gained and this yearn within of more will continue to drive me to success.
Walking to my vehicle it hit me; it is just an average day. I was off to gather my three little ones, make supper, bathes, playtime adventures, bedtimes, and household chores…my routine and solid agenda for each day. Today has been that normal day of simplicity and I love it. Climbing into my vehicle I chuckled, I have a common set of wheels with a ding in the bumper as someone had backed into me and the standard mess of three children in transport within. I buckled my seat belt and nodded. Being approved of others means nothing if you do not approve of yourself. At that moment I was more than approving, I was damn proud!
Financially, I don’t have lots of money, heck I hardly have enough money, but all my bills are paid and every one of my children’s needs are met. I work very hard each day and feel totally exhausted most days, but I have earned everything with devotion and determination. I understand who I am. I respect myself as well as others. I have three beautiful children whom all giggle of innocence and smile brighter than the summer sun. At the end of the day I tuck them in, kiss them goodnight, whisper my “I love you’s,” and turn the light off as we each drift to dreamland. To others I may not appear to have much, but I feel like I am the richest woman in all the land.
Life is about the simple pleasures, the moments of relaxed nature without a lavish price tag. The gift I have been given is precious and I appreciate it more with each sunrise. I didn’t find life, it found me!
Facile moments…Treasured forever
~Nina~
August 18, 2010
Give up or Reconnect
Early in my adventure of separating myself from my soon ex-husband I lost my belief in love and the sacred value of marriage. What I have come to learn is I do still believe in both of these and though I had to step away from this marriage due to safety concerns, I will always have faith as that is who I am. I came across this story and today I hope to help anyone who may have a troubled relationship. Love, the purest level of adoration is remarkable and the foundation to a relationship…embrace it!
Marriage
MARRIAGE When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband.... The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME. So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:
~Author Unknown~
This story sends a very powerful message. I remember my efforts for him and trying to reconnect, to give us a positive to build from. There was a day, the day of being married for six months; I had a song dedicated to him on the radio during his commute home from work. I made arrangements for a sitter as I planned a secret date for us. I picked him up after work and had the address to a nice restaurant punched in the Garmin which guided him as he drove in suspense. There was a poem I wrote for him placed in his menu and I envisioned a very passionate conclusion from the evening. I was so proud of what I brought to him, my devotion to him…but I was met with sarcasm and the repeated comments of my outfit “looking like an afghan.” I remember the waterfall of tears inside as I hoped to spark a new level of romance and appreciation for our relationship only to be faced with his inability to realize what I had truly done for him. He ended up yelling at me that night as I couldn’t perform to his physical desires. I cried after he left for work…I was crushed.
My belief in rekindling a spark and/or that continual fuel to a smolder of deep passion has a great support by me, it is a fundamental to every relationship. As I read this story I felt like that dying wife only wanting to be embraced by that husband of devotion. Maybe he has reached that point of self actualization, but the roses he may hold serve no purpose anymore. I am gone…his past.
Grab your loved one and don’t let go. Love them to the fullest and appreciate all that they do, because deep within they love you too!
Tenderness keeps…Love does thrive
~Nina~
Marriage
MARRIAGE When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband.... The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME. So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:
~Author Unknown~
This story sends a very powerful message. I remember my efforts for him and trying to reconnect, to give us a positive to build from. There was a day, the day of being married for six months; I had a song dedicated to him on the radio during his commute home from work. I made arrangements for a sitter as I planned a secret date for us. I picked him up after work and had the address to a nice restaurant punched in the Garmin which guided him as he drove in suspense. There was a poem I wrote for him placed in his menu and I envisioned a very passionate conclusion from the evening. I was so proud of what I brought to him, my devotion to him…but I was met with sarcasm and the repeated comments of my outfit “looking like an afghan.” I remember the waterfall of tears inside as I hoped to spark a new level of romance and appreciation for our relationship only to be faced with his inability to realize what I had truly done for him. He ended up yelling at me that night as I couldn’t perform to his physical desires. I cried after he left for work…I was crushed.
My belief in rekindling a spark and/or that continual fuel to a smolder of deep passion has a great support by me, it is a fundamental to every relationship. As I read this story I felt like that dying wife only wanting to be embraced by that husband of devotion. Maybe he has reached that point of self actualization, but the roses he may hold serve no purpose anymore. I am gone…his past.
Grab your loved one and don’t let go. Love them to the fullest and appreciate all that they do, because deep within they love you too!
Tenderness keeps…Love does thrive
~Nina~
August 17, 2010
August 16, 2010
Busy Mind…Migraine Dismay
I apologize but I will not be reflecting my day. The evening has been busy and I am trying to treat my migraine. I have been resting and with no result. I am going to head up to bed, turn all the lights off, and place a cold rag over my eyes. I pray I can drift to sleep. God Bless and I hope you all get the rest you need. Stay tuned for tomorrow.
Evening do Rest…Pray for Peace
~Nina~
Evening do Rest…Pray for Peace
~Nina~
August 15, 2010
Mnemonic Flash…Embraced Appreciation
A day of reflection is necessary every now and then. My drive home today was beautiful, peaceful. The road way was leading back to my life and not having that apprehension or fear of my own life has marked an important milestone for myself. I am at a point I didn’t know could exist. My focus is clear and my devotion is centered on my children. At the beginning of this all I would wake from a restless night and wait for the next moment of despair to fall onto my plate. Now I rise well rested and energized with excitement for the adventures of my day. My independence, my freedom…I now can breathe without difficulty.
I have intertwined emotions with words as I describe the summary of my last seven months with a simple poem. Each day gets easier to express the experience for what it was and not what it is. I can present the woman I am and not the woman he stole. My journey covers the pages with past tense and my future holds pleasantry as I step into a new light. Liberty, my wings of emancipation carry me as I soar to a higher level of success.
Path of Recovery…Mine to Survival
The days had been so dark and solemn
Fear of his dominance for me to embark
Slowly and of assurance I tried deep within
Ignite that internal glow to a festered spark
Weeks ventured to months while those to more
I pondered the time lost, my seconds all gone
The demon of power and my urge to crumble
Dissolved into harmony, a determined song
Now a peace, sense of endearment deep inside
Each sunrise independent with pride to embrace
The woman surfaced a persona I had always been
Thrust that heartache fiercely goodbye with mace
Reflection of beauty held within that mirror of me
Belief I wasn’t sure, but found I always had indeed
The journey of pieces trickled and left for me to see
Now complete this puzzle that has forever set me free
~Nina~
Getting here has not been easy by any means. I had my days of hopeless defeat and surrender, but each were necessary to experience as now I have a true appreciation for the happiness and value of my accomplishments. The sky is my limit. Opportunities for my personal growth continue to flourish and the woman I have become marks extreme significance. I am ready…ready for anything.
Encouragement sought…Triumph seized
~Nina~
I have intertwined emotions with words as I describe the summary of my last seven months with a simple poem. Each day gets easier to express the experience for what it was and not what it is. I can present the woman I am and not the woman he stole. My journey covers the pages with past tense and my future holds pleasantry as I step into a new light. Liberty, my wings of emancipation carry me as I soar to a higher level of success.
Path of Recovery…Mine to Survival
The days had been so dark and solemn
Fear of his dominance for me to embark
Slowly and of assurance I tried deep within
Ignite that internal glow to a festered spark
Weeks ventured to months while those to more
I pondered the time lost, my seconds all gone
The demon of power and my urge to crumble
Dissolved into harmony, a determined song
Now a peace, sense of endearment deep inside
Each sunrise independent with pride to embrace
The woman surfaced a persona I had always been
Thrust that heartache fiercely goodbye with mace
Reflection of beauty held within that mirror of me
Belief I wasn’t sure, but found I always had indeed
The journey of pieces trickled and left for me to see
Now complete this puzzle that has forever set me free
~Nina~
Getting here has not been easy by any means. I had my days of hopeless defeat and surrender, but each were necessary to experience as now I have a true appreciation for the happiness and value of my accomplishments. The sky is my limit. Opportunities for my personal growth continue to flourish and the woman I have become marks extreme significance. I am ready…ready for anything.
Encouragement sought…Triumph seized
~Nina~
Hawaiian Ice…Summer Fun
August 14, 2010
Memories are the foundation of every child’s life. The adventures, the laughter…it all brings them to the world of adulthood and sends them off on a voyage of independence. As I child I climbed trees, splashed in puddles, and so much more. Some of my very favorite memories include the days at the county fair. I was in 4-H for many years and participated in the beef shows as well as the auction amongst the other various projects I would take such as photography, baking, and sewing. The atmosphere fostered creativity and marked the summer sun I lived for. Those were the days…
As a parent you look forward to giving your children similar memories and a foundation of imagination. Today I took my children to that very same fair that I was a part of for so many years. The sun was high and the heat was bold, but we were smiling as the summer air kissed our foreheads. As we walked through the barns the boys giggled hysterically at the chickens. Those smiles of pure innocence and joy are footprints within my motherhood heart. My daughter was determined to see the pigs, but enjoyed learning about all of the animals she saw. Her mind was processing the answers to her questions and the visible conclusion of her smirk was that she benefited from her new found knowledge.
Lunch came quick and the treat of fair food was indulged. The meal of hotdogs and cheese burgers touched each of our internal gluttony for a good time. The taste of a funnel cake brought the sweetness to the tongue of adventure. Though surrounded with the duties of feeding, cleaning, and more…my efforts were a whirlwind embracing me as my children expressed great pleasure throughout the day. My personal favorite, the Hawaiian Ice stand, brought me back to my childhood. Ordering my usual I got to share my childhood memory as I generated one with my children.
The day was functionally a success. As I trailed through the sea of people with my children and my Mom I had this overwhelming flood of peace. I try to remember what it was to be the little girl draggling my feet along side my own Mother and concluded that she embraced the same value and appreciation for life at that moment as well. Sharing my moments as a parent with my own, it does surface a greater admiration for her efforts as I can relate on a whole new level. I thank my Mom for the time and energy spent plus more. I thank God for a day without rain as I had the opportunity to take my children out. I thank my children as each reaction trails a deep sense of love while I witness them loving the life they live. Monumental movements, maybe not…but the day was perfect.
Sun kissed…Memories warm
~Nina~
Memories are the foundation of every child’s life. The adventures, the laughter…it all brings them to the world of adulthood and sends them off on a voyage of independence. As I child I climbed trees, splashed in puddles, and so much more. Some of my very favorite memories include the days at the county fair. I was in 4-H for many years and participated in the beef shows as well as the auction amongst the other various projects I would take such as photography, baking, and sewing. The atmosphere fostered creativity and marked the summer sun I lived for. Those were the days…
As a parent you look forward to giving your children similar memories and a foundation of imagination. Today I took my children to that very same fair that I was a part of for so many years. The sun was high and the heat was bold, but we were smiling as the summer air kissed our foreheads. As we walked through the barns the boys giggled hysterically at the chickens. Those smiles of pure innocence and joy are footprints within my motherhood heart. My daughter was determined to see the pigs, but enjoyed learning about all of the animals she saw. Her mind was processing the answers to her questions and the visible conclusion of her smirk was that she benefited from her new found knowledge.
Lunch came quick and the treat of fair food was indulged. The meal of hotdogs and cheese burgers touched each of our internal gluttony for a good time. The taste of a funnel cake brought the sweetness to the tongue of adventure. Though surrounded with the duties of feeding, cleaning, and more…my efforts were a whirlwind embracing me as my children expressed great pleasure throughout the day. My personal favorite, the Hawaiian Ice stand, brought me back to my childhood. Ordering my usual I got to share my childhood memory as I generated one with my children.
The day was functionally a success. As I trailed through the sea of people with my children and my Mom I had this overwhelming flood of peace. I try to remember what it was to be the little girl draggling my feet along side my own Mother and concluded that she embraced the same value and appreciation for life at that moment as well. Sharing my moments as a parent with my own, it does surface a greater admiration for her efforts as I can relate on a whole new level. I thank my Mom for the time and energy spent plus more. I thank God for a day without rain as I had the opportunity to take my children out. I thank my children as each reaction trails a deep sense of love while I witness them loving the life they live. Monumental movements, maybe not…but the day was perfect.
Sun kissed…Memories warm
~Nina~
Rearview Mirror…Fading Sorrow
August 13, 2010
Packing the vehicle is always a chore, but the destinations always bring warm smiles to my children making it worth all the effort. This weekend I am taking the kids to an event that I went to for many years of my own childhood…the county fair. Though my heart races for an anticipated fear, I will set things aside and do right for my children. When I dropped off my sweethearts at daycare, I told Chloe that I was going to be taking her somewhere special after I picked them up. Her eyes sparkled with eagerness while her mind raced with curiosity.
As I drove out of town the sun was bright. Setting the cruise I looked in my rearview mirror and there it was, heartache and it didn’t make this trip. The pain faded while my desire to seek my future pressed. Each of my beauties drifted to sleep and I there I was left to venture the depths of my heart, seeking validations to my internal emotions.
The trip home travels that path of certainty. I know just where the pavement is going to take me. As I ponder, my journey began to take autopilot with haze as I looked deeper into a lane that is clearly uncertain to me. Love is more than an emotion; it is a captivating part of life. My dreams are filled with the fantasy of that pure, sensual sentiment and my conscious mind muses the reality of this fancy. At that moment of consideration a song filled the vehicle. The harmony was so beautiful and the lyrics are my hope. The romance of a chunk of the melody “Breathe” by Faith Hill speaks of that distant vision…
I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way
I watch the sunlight dance across your face
And I've never been this swept away
All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze
When I'm lying wrapped up in your arms
The whole world just fades away
The only thing I hear
Is the beating of your heart
…Someday the man of mystery will step from the shadows
No longer am I afraid. I have been through torment, but I am still who I was to begin with…I just needed to find myself again. Standing, I brush the dust of heartache and deep sorrow from my knees. I am feeling stronger with every sunrise.
Placing my blinker on for the last turn, I shifted my focus to the embracing safety of my family. Pulling in the driveway brought me to the comfort of home. As I walked hand in hand with my children to the front door I was warmed with pride. The sparkle in my Mom’s eyes as the four of us trickled in illuminated more than a clear cut diamond. It was great to be home.
Comfort Inn…Grandma’s House
~Nina~
Packing the vehicle is always a chore, but the destinations always bring warm smiles to my children making it worth all the effort. This weekend I am taking the kids to an event that I went to for many years of my own childhood…the county fair. Though my heart races for an anticipated fear, I will set things aside and do right for my children. When I dropped off my sweethearts at daycare, I told Chloe that I was going to be taking her somewhere special after I picked them up. Her eyes sparkled with eagerness while her mind raced with curiosity.
As I drove out of town the sun was bright. Setting the cruise I looked in my rearview mirror and there it was, heartache and it didn’t make this trip. The pain faded while my desire to seek my future pressed. Each of my beauties drifted to sleep and I there I was left to venture the depths of my heart, seeking validations to my internal emotions.
The trip home travels that path of certainty. I know just where the pavement is going to take me. As I ponder, my journey began to take autopilot with haze as I looked deeper into a lane that is clearly uncertain to me. Love is more than an emotion; it is a captivating part of life. My dreams are filled with the fantasy of that pure, sensual sentiment and my conscious mind muses the reality of this fancy. At that moment of consideration a song filled the vehicle. The harmony was so beautiful and the lyrics are my hope. The romance of a chunk of the melody “Breathe” by Faith Hill speaks of that distant vision…
I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way
I watch the sunlight dance across your face
And I've never been this swept away
All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze
When I'm lying wrapped up in your arms
The whole world just fades away
The only thing I hear
Is the beating of your heart
…Someday the man of mystery will step from the shadows
No longer am I afraid. I have been through torment, but I am still who I was to begin with…I just needed to find myself again. Standing, I brush the dust of heartache and deep sorrow from my knees. I am feeling stronger with every sunrise.
Placing my blinker on for the last turn, I shifted my focus to the embracing safety of my family. Pulling in the driveway brought me to the comfort of home. As I walked hand in hand with my children to the front door I was warmed with pride. The sparkle in my Mom’s eyes as the four of us trickled in illuminated more than a clear cut diamond. It was great to be home.
Comfort Inn…Grandma’s House
~Nina~
August 12, 2010
Falling Pieces…Places Found
The past few days I have felt very empowered and strong. I have looked in the mirror with confidence while embracing these new found feelings of assuring peace. For once I feel that the pieces I have been torn into are now starting to fall into place and form a visual of the internal serenity I have searched so long for. Seven months ago I was backed into a hole of the most encasing darkness, but today I feel illuminated by the brightest light of hope. I am going to be ok.
Reflecting upon my day I have to say that again I have been blessed with more than can be expressed. The kids and I had company this evening. The moments of conversation and outside adventure left me with a night I will never forget. We played t-ball, raced, and climbed on the swing set. There is one particular individual that was a special part of my day. This person has shared moments of hearty laughter, soulful kindness, and been there for me, enveloped me with security as I have opened up to work through past memories of pain. This person is very important to me and I thank God each day that our paths have crossed.
As I sit here to evaluate what I am feeling at this very moment I become overwhelmed. The emotion wells and this tear that rolls down my cheek is a tear of deep appreciation…of happiness. The moisture is warm and of inspiritment as I reflect upon the support I have had through this entire journey as being remarkable.
I had felt hopeless and lost. I had accepted myself as unworthy and undeserving. As the veil lifted to expose the life I had been living, the abuse he had been conducting I felt ashamed as I believed his pressing fault of me causing him to lose control. What I have learned is that I am not responsible for his behavior. People are in control of their own mannerisms and methods of reaction. He lacks that ability to accept ownership for his behavior and searches for validation as in his eyes all of his reactions are due to a cause of someone else trying to hurt him. As he looked in the mirror, the only image he saw was a continual victim with a wide spread theory of conspiracy to slander his character. There is nothing I could have done to prevent his anger or ease his pain, believe me I tried. He needs to find what it is that he can do for himself to present himself with happiness. Money, possessions, and people will not fulfill the void within if someone suffers from lowered self-esteem or depression. Utilizing the tools to gain a healthy self image will be the foundation of a true heal…I know, I have done it.
My appreciation for every set of arms that has hugged me through this, every word of encouragement expressed, and every ounce of faith believed in me goes beyond the measurable. I have realized that I am worth something as the avenues of support were endless. The journey has taught me tons about myself and as this endeavor continues I remain the acceptance of my benefits of self-actualization. I have gained a sense of appreciation for myself. I know I have been destined to overcome this with a positive energy. I am meant to rise above and bring forth affirmation that survival isn’t a dream, it is an achievement.
Soothing sunset…Composure captured
~Nina~
Reflecting upon my day I have to say that again I have been blessed with more than can be expressed. The kids and I had company this evening. The moments of conversation and outside adventure left me with a night I will never forget. We played t-ball, raced, and climbed on the swing set. There is one particular individual that was a special part of my day. This person has shared moments of hearty laughter, soulful kindness, and been there for me, enveloped me with security as I have opened up to work through past memories of pain. This person is very important to me and I thank God each day that our paths have crossed.
As I sit here to evaluate what I am feeling at this very moment I become overwhelmed. The emotion wells and this tear that rolls down my cheek is a tear of deep appreciation…of happiness. The moisture is warm and of inspiritment as I reflect upon the support I have had through this entire journey as being remarkable.
I had felt hopeless and lost. I had accepted myself as unworthy and undeserving. As the veil lifted to expose the life I had been living, the abuse he had been conducting I felt ashamed as I believed his pressing fault of me causing him to lose control. What I have learned is that I am not responsible for his behavior. People are in control of their own mannerisms and methods of reaction. He lacks that ability to accept ownership for his behavior and searches for validation as in his eyes all of his reactions are due to a cause of someone else trying to hurt him. As he looked in the mirror, the only image he saw was a continual victim with a wide spread theory of conspiracy to slander his character. There is nothing I could have done to prevent his anger or ease his pain, believe me I tried. He needs to find what it is that he can do for himself to present himself with happiness. Money, possessions, and people will not fulfill the void within if someone suffers from lowered self-esteem or depression. Utilizing the tools to gain a healthy self image will be the foundation of a true heal…I know, I have done it.
My appreciation for every set of arms that has hugged me through this, every word of encouragement expressed, and every ounce of faith believed in me goes beyond the measurable. I have realized that I am worth something as the avenues of support were endless. The journey has taught me tons about myself and as this endeavor continues I remain the acceptance of my benefits of self-actualization. I have gained a sense of appreciation for myself. I know I have been destined to overcome this with a positive energy. I am meant to rise above and bring forth affirmation that survival isn’t a dream, it is an achievement.
Soothing sunset…Composure captured
~Nina~
August 11, 2010
Hearty Giggles...Memorable Moments
Some of the most memorable moments have not the words to describe that elated sense of vitality. The innocence of the unexpected and the joy of those scheduled, these are the days that will carry us through tomorrow. The present is powerful, the past forfeits experiences, and the future precedes our growth. This seed lies within and flourishes with beauty.
Today has been a day of movement for me and that of an emotional touching day. Not one moment did I question myself or who I have become. I walked with a posture of pride and a heart warmed of sanctuary. Work surfaced a new perspective towards my job title and my value to the department. My efforts of a nutritious day fueled my body, mind, and spirit with those elements necessary to remain focused as well as feel complete. Most importantly my evening was beyond amazing as I connected with each one of my children.
The routine is demanding; how could it not with there being only one of me and three precious little ones with similar, yet unique needs? As I opened the door my face was kissed with the heat of a summer afternoon. Flipping my hair over my shoulder, I took a deep breath and walked into the building where my children dive into their imaginations while I am at work. The moment they see me there is a rampage of happiness running towards me as my balance becomes off kilter when they all throw their arms around me. Kaden hollers with joy, “Momma, Momma!” Connor waves good-bye to his teachers as he giggles because he is going home with Momma. Chloe wraps her arms around my neck as she reports happily, “Today I be a good girl.” All at once I am swarmed with this overwhelming appreciation for the life I have, my gift of motherhood. I look behind me and wish the staff a peaceful evening as I walk hand in hand with my three darlings.
After a meal fit for toddlers we all pick up the supper dishes and clean up the dinning room. Though I am Mom and they are my children…we are a team! We are all an intertwined circle of support for one another and that is what marks our relationship with a heightened level of cohesiveness. Like little ducklings we file into our assembly line of water works. I have the privilege of washing 30 little fingers and 30 little toes. I get to splash with and lose three separate wars de bath time leaving me soaked with the hearty adoration of their mischievous grins of victory. Each little face gets to comb their hair while looking in the mirror with curiosity as to who is looking back at them. Then finally I am following two diapered behinds and a nightgown of purity as we venture to the living room for our daily exploration of fun. Every evening this sight touches my heart.
Tonight though was of an individual experience and I just have to bring this visual of exhilarated playfulness to you. The boys in their diapers stumbled across their stocking hats. I was on the floor watching as they tried to put the hats on themselves. My heart stopped as the sense of pride any parent gets as they gaze upon their children figuring out where things go and how thing work is beyond priceless. After helping them, I just burst out laughing as the sight of them with nothing on but their diapers and a stocking cap was so cute! Then I reached out and wiggled my fingers as I teased, “Momma is going to get you.” Instantly they curled with anticipation and roared with laughter before I even connected to tickle their bellies. These are the moments I will cherish forever…the foundational days to a healthy development of their futures.
As I lay down to rest, I will reflect my energy of the day. The vibrant emotions surfaced with my inestimable moments with my children. They are my air giving me capability to breath. They are my sunshine giving me the light to grow. They are my everything, the reason I exist, and the motivation to continue this search of survival. They are my life!
Rest easy my Darling Three…Momma loves you
~Nina~
Today has been a day of movement for me and that of an emotional touching day. Not one moment did I question myself or who I have become. I walked with a posture of pride and a heart warmed of sanctuary. Work surfaced a new perspective towards my job title and my value to the department. My efforts of a nutritious day fueled my body, mind, and spirit with those elements necessary to remain focused as well as feel complete. Most importantly my evening was beyond amazing as I connected with each one of my children.
The routine is demanding; how could it not with there being only one of me and three precious little ones with similar, yet unique needs? As I opened the door my face was kissed with the heat of a summer afternoon. Flipping my hair over my shoulder, I took a deep breath and walked into the building where my children dive into their imaginations while I am at work. The moment they see me there is a rampage of happiness running towards me as my balance becomes off kilter when they all throw their arms around me. Kaden hollers with joy, “Momma, Momma!” Connor waves good-bye to his teachers as he giggles because he is going home with Momma. Chloe wraps her arms around my neck as she reports happily, “Today I be a good girl.” All at once I am swarmed with this overwhelming appreciation for the life I have, my gift of motherhood. I look behind me and wish the staff a peaceful evening as I walk hand in hand with my three darlings.
After a meal fit for toddlers we all pick up the supper dishes and clean up the dinning room. Though I am Mom and they are my children…we are a team! We are all an intertwined circle of support for one another and that is what marks our relationship with a heightened level of cohesiveness. Like little ducklings we file into our assembly line of water works. I have the privilege of washing 30 little fingers and 30 little toes. I get to splash with and lose three separate wars de bath time leaving me soaked with the hearty adoration of their mischievous grins of victory. Each little face gets to comb their hair while looking in the mirror with curiosity as to who is looking back at them. Then finally I am following two diapered behinds and a nightgown of purity as we venture to the living room for our daily exploration of fun. Every evening this sight touches my heart.
Tonight though was of an individual experience and I just have to bring this visual of exhilarated playfulness to you. The boys in their diapers stumbled across their stocking hats. I was on the floor watching as they tried to put the hats on themselves. My heart stopped as the sense of pride any parent gets as they gaze upon their children figuring out where things go and how thing work is beyond priceless. After helping them, I just burst out laughing as the sight of them with nothing on but their diapers and a stocking cap was so cute! Then I reached out and wiggled my fingers as I teased, “Momma is going to get you.” Instantly they curled with anticipation and roared with laughter before I even connected to tickle their bellies. These are the moments I will cherish forever…the foundational days to a healthy development of their futures.
As I lay down to rest, I will reflect my energy of the day. The vibrant emotions surfaced with my inestimable moments with my children. They are my air giving me capability to breath. They are my sunshine giving me the light to grow. They are my everything, the reason I exist, and the motivation to continue this search of survival. They are my life!
Rest easy my Darling Three…Momma loves you
~Nina~
August 10, 2010
Candlelight Flicker…Delicate Dream
My day has been mellow as my thoughts meandered of a serene atmosphere. Inner peace has been a daily hope with each sunrise and today was my day to just feel whole. I did express to an important person in my life that I am in that process of moving forward and that the signs of positive movement are there, but not as direct as this individual concludes. Truly, my eyes are forward and I am embracing all that comes my way. I am very nervous of the future in general, but an elevated flutter within comes with that unknown department of romance.
I share with you my vision, a dream…
Stepping into the room she is met with the aroma of passion. The candles flicker with softness and her eyes trail to the arrangement awaiting for her in the middle of the room. Before kneeling she is assisted out of her jacket while turning to him to silently appreciate his efforts. Taking her place upon the blankets and resting down on the pillows, the shadows dance with security. Her essence is wrapped with tenderness and her body full relaxes.
As his fingers connect, the initial touch sends a jolt of electricity through her body. The strength of his grasp sends the desire to dissolve all tension from her muscles, yet remains gentle to the delicacy of her skin. Closing her eyes she breaths deep while capturing the harmony of shared emotions during the massage. Softly he drags his fingers down her back and at that moment her heart lurches of purity as their attraction deepens.
Leaning close the protection of his arms provides an emotion she is unfamiliar with as he hugs her shoulders. He inquires about her aspirations and personal dreams. Caring, he is sensitive to her needs and her appreciation for this runs to her core. Then he reaches up and guides his finger across her cheek as he slides a stray piece of hair behind her ear. That contact, a touch of pure innocence melts her entire being. Inside she burns with the desire, a secret lust to express her true allurement to him and his precious soul.
His efforts are remarkable. Embarking a new level, their relationship correlates the emotions both share. He leaves her feeling desirable, amazing, and worthy. She believes his endearment for her beauty and absorbs his last words upon their departing embrace. Whispering to her he states, “You are an incredible woman who deserves this and so much more.” Trusting him, she accepts her value to him…to this world.
…Moments of ataraxia, my reverie
My devotion for life and my appreciation to live free sparks this notable energy while my hopes remain to share with another. As emotions transform I pray that I can clearly communicate a love so deep to that of a deserving man. My heart is immeasurable as I am selfless. Someday…someday my mystery fellow will walk into my life and as our hearts unite the empowerment will move the universe. My match is watching…waiting for the right moment.
Melted apprehension…Relaxed essence
~Nina~
I share with you my vision, a dream…
Stepping into the room she is met with the aroma of passion. The candles flicker with softness and her eyes trail to the arrangement awaiting for her in the middle of the room. Before kneeling she is assisted out of her jacket while turning to him to silently appreciate his efforts. Taking her place upon the blankets and resting down on the pillows, the shadows dance with security. Her essence is wrapped with tenderness and her body full relaxes.
As his fingers connect, the initial touch sends a jolt of electricity through her body. The strength of his grasp sends the desire to dissolve all tension from her muscles, yet remains gentle to the delicacy of her skin. Closing her eyes she breaths deep while capturing the harmony of shared emotions during the massage. Softly he drags his fingers down her back and at that moment her heart lurches of purity as their attraction deepens.
Leaning close the protection of his arms provides an emotion she is unfamiliar with as he hugs her shoulders. He inquires about her aspirations and personal dreams. Caring, he is sensitive to her needs and her appreciation for this runs to her core. Then he reaches up and guides his finger across her cheek as he slides a stray piece of hair behind her ear. That contact, a touch of pure innocence melts her entire being. Inside she burns with the desire, a secret lust to express her true allurement to him and his precious soul.
His efforts are remarkable. Embarking a new level, their relationship correlates the emotions both share. He leaves her feeling desirable, amazing, and worthy. She believes his endearment for her beauty and absorbs his last words upon their departing embrace. Whispering to her he states, “You are an incredible woman who deserves this and so much more.” Trusting him, she accepts her value to him…to this world.
…Moments of ataraxia, my reverie
My devotion for life and my appreciation to live free sparks this notable energy while my hopes remain to share with another. As emotions transform I pray that I can clearly communicate a love so deep to that of a deserving man. My heart is immeasurable as I am selfless. Someday…someday my mystery fellow will walk into my life and as our hearts unite the empowerment will move the universe. My match is watching…waiting for the right moment.
Melted apprehension…Relaxed essence
~Nina~
August 9, 2010
Timid Emotions…Fluttered Anticipation
Only a few feet separate their physical beings, but yet the feeling of miles pave a barrier between them. Slowly she guides her feet in his direction while her heart beats of a rapid pace. The gravitation he has as he reaches out to grasp her surrenders all focus from what surrounds them. At that very moment when they meet and intertwine with each other, she looks up with an innocent search. His eyes connect to confirm the security she longs for as he caresses her cheek guiding her lips to his. The electricity of their kiss surfaces a flutter within as each kiss feels like their first…
My heart raced as I woke up from this dream. There I was becoming encapsulated within my fantasy of that tender love I shed, only to be met with a faded image of return. While showering the hot water ran down my neck soothing the tension of my overloaded thoughts of my unknown future. As I tilted my head back I became overwhelmed with panic. Turning off the water I step out and immediately throw my towel around myself.
After sliding into my clothing the fabric draped over my body, covering me with a coy demeanor as I faced myself in the mirror. What would I do if a man pulled me close? My mind drifted again and in the reflection I could see him, the man of mystery, sweep my hair to one side as he kisses my neck. A rising level of nervousness left me questioning my ability to even get close to someone again.
Throughout the day I just pondered these feelings of timid fear. Can I open up…can I accept the security of another’s company? Getting to know someone and being faced with the step of physical contact forms alarm within as my heart skips a beat. The vulnerability one faces even with that first kiss…it is almost terrifying as I fight the urge to remain single. I have tossed around the idea of placing my wedding ring back on and becoming married to a life of solitude. It would be safer, after all no one can guard my heart better than I. Vowing with in I want to just settle into the acceptance of living alone.
I am fully aware of love and how it is natural to want to share one’s life. That is the purpose of this gift, to walk hand in hand with another’s, but today my heart raced with apprehension. I won’t fight it as it will make it worse. I will just embrace my emotions of the day and await the new visions of tomorrow.
To be honest I am nervous stepping into dreamland tonight. As my brain rests the true fantasies of my inner being surface without the pressing need to resist as my conscious mind displaces focus to something else. I long to be hugged…to be protected and I pray that he exists while in search to meet me. As I close my eyes and the scene is set, I will fully grasp the need my heart bleeds for and defy the beg of abrupt interruption by waking.
Anticipation raises nervousness…Imploded force to withdraw
~Nina~
My heart raced as I woke up from this dream. There I was becoming encapsulated within my fantasy of that tender love I shed, only to be met with a faded image of return. While showering the hot water ran down my neck soothing the tension of my overloaded thoughts of my unknown future. As I tilted my head back I became overwhelmed with panic. Turning off the water I step out and immediately throw my towel around myself.
After sliding into my clothing the fabric draped over my body, covering me with a coy demeanor as I faced myself in the mirror. What would I do if a man pulled me close? My mind drifted again and in the reflection I could see him, the man of mystery, sweep my hair to one side as he kisses my neck. A rising level of nervousness left me questioning my ability to even get close to someone again.
Throughout the day I just pondered these feelings of timid fear. Can I open up…can I accept the security of another’s company? Getting to know someone and being faced with the step of physical contact forms alarm within as my heart skips a beat. The vulnerability one faces even with that first kiss…it is almost terrifying as I fight the urge to remain single. I have tossed around the idea of placing my wedding ring back on and becoming married to a life of solitude. It would be safer, after all no one can guard my heart better than I. Vowing with in I want to just settle into the acceptance of living alone.
I am fully aware of love and how it is natural to want to share one’s life. That is the purpose of this gift, to walk hand in hand with another’s, but today my heart raced with apprehension. I won’t fight it as it will make it worse. I will just embrace my emotions of the day and await the new visions of tomorrow.
To be honest I am nervous stepping into dreamland tonight. As my brain rests the true fantasies of my inner being surface without the pressing need to resist as my conscious mind displaces focus to something else. I long to be hugged…to be protected and I pray that he exists while in search to meet me. As I close my eyes and the scene is set, I will fully grasp the need my heart bleeds for and defy the beg of abrupt interruption by waking.
Anticipation raises nervousness…Imploded force to withdraw
~Nina~
August 8, 2010
Three Hearts Devastated...One Heart Floods
The morning presented itself early today. When I first opened my eyes I even questioned my ability to remember what day it was. Relieved as it was Sunday I would have one more day with my blessed trio to relax before heading into another demanding work week. To my dismay it was not the day I imagined. Today was a day of difficulty for my children. Chloe asked several times about Daddy today and remained unsatisfied with the answers I gave her. The boys are not able to verbalize what they are feeling exactly, but a mother knows and today I could tell was a day where the void in their hearts was pulling at them as well.
A day like today tears me apart from the inside out. I remain composed and pour everything I have into easing my children’s pain, but the burning desire to tell him just how badly he has hurt us idles within leaving this silent storm ripping my inside to pieces. As I rock each of them, hug them, and devote myself to all of them I promise to be the woman they deserve. I am a mother and that is my first priority. Their safety as well as their well-being has been and remains my focus.
As his face flashes before my eyes I become angry. I am mad at him no doubt. Why couldn’t he be the man we needed him to be? Why couldn’t he stand in front of the mirror and take responsibility for his behavior? Why can’t he seek the help he needs to develop the strength to be the father my children need? He sold each one of us short! At this very moment I struggle as I wish I had the opportunity to express to him just how much damage he has caused, but it wouldn’t matter as he is a man of no ownership.
What would I say if I could…
You are a man of excuses. Your ever dying need to blame others for your actions or others causing you to carry such deep anger has destroyed more than you can repair. Our children deserve so much more and you can’t see past the face that peers back at you in the mirror. When will life stop being about you and how you can get what you want with the least amount of effort? When will you buckle your bootstraps and dig deep, find the desire to be a father of substance? Your choices and yearning to push boundaries, to ride that fine line of gray has cost our children deep pain! Damnit…I remained focused on what I could do to bring a co-parent unity and give our children what they deserved—two loving parents. You took advantage of me and ran with my values as you tried to overpower once again. You have every minute of everyday to focus on yourself right now. Are you using this time to become healthy? Are you going to be the man they need? As you see my face and feel that deep sense of hatred can you just once think about our children’s needs. They are innocent in this entire situation and their future should be the most important thing. That is where my energy remains….I will give them the life they deserve and present them the opportunities of growth that they need. I will be the best mother I can be and love them whole-heartedly. I live for them!
…Knowing I won’t get the chance, I just turn this negativity into a positive energy for my children.
When I finally got them to rest my heart broke. The tears of fury, sadness, and pain streamed down my face as I stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself. Through my blurred vision I asked myself, “Tell me how I can get them through these days, how do I keep them from feeling unworthy…lost?” I nodded to myself as I knew the answer, “Love them, love them with everything you have! Hug them, give them adventure. Do what it takes to give them a heart of happiness.” I just need to keep doing what I am doing. Their lives are my hub of concentration.
These tears are the emotion that must pour from my heart. I cannot keep things pent up as that will cause unhealthy frustration brewing. I am not an angry person…I am not him. As I wipe my cheek I am vowing to dry the river of despair from this family’s future. Each day will bring this strength each of us needs to persevere. Our unity bonds us tightly and our love will carry us through.
Absence felt…Embraced hope remains
~Nina~
A day like today tears me apart from the inside out. I remain composed and pour everything I have into easing my children’s pain, but the burning desire to tell him just how badly he has hurt us idles within leaving this silent storm ripping my inside to pieces. As I rock each of them, hug them, and devote myself to all of them I promise to be the woman they deserve. I am a mother and that is my first priority. Their safety as well as their well-being has been and remains my focus.
As his face flashes before my eyes I become angry. I am mad at him no doubt. Why couldn’t he be the man we needed him to be? Why couldn’t he stand in front of the mirror and take responsibility for his behavior? Why can’t he seek the help he needs to develop the strength to be the father my children need? He sold each one of us short! At this very moment I struggle as I wish I had the opportunity to express to him just how much damage he has caused, but it wouldn’t matter as he is a man of no ownership.
What would I say if I could…
You are a man of excuses. Your ever dying need to blame others for your actions or others causing you to carry such deep anger has destroyed more than you can repair. Our children deserve so much more and you can’t see past the face that peers back at you in the mirror. When will life stop being about you and how you can get what you want with the least amount of effort? When will you buckle your bootstraps and dig deep, find the desire to be a father of substance? Your choices and yearning to push boundaries, to ride that fine line of gray has cost our children deep pain! Damnit…I remained focused on what I could do to bring a co-parent unity and give our children what they deserved—two loving parents. You took advantage of me and ran with my values as you tried to overpower once again. You have every minute of everyday to focus on yourself right now. Are you using this time to become healthy? Are you going to be the man they need? As you see my face and feel that deep sense of hatred can you just once think about our children’s needs. They are innocent in this entire situation and their future should be the most important thing. That is where my energy remains….I will give them the life they deserve and present them the opportunities of growth that they need. I will be the best mother I can be and love them whole-heartedly. I live for them!
…Knowing I won’t get the chance, I just turn this negativity into a positive energy for my children.
When I finally got them to rest my heart broke. The tears of fury, sadness, and pain streamed down my face as I stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself. Through my blurred vision I asked myself, “Tell me how I can get them through these days, how do I keep them from feeling unworthy…lost?” I nodded to myself as I knew the answer, “Love them, love them with everything you have! Hug them, give them adventure. Do what it takes to give them a heart of happiness.” I just need to keep doing what I am doing. Their lives are my hub of concentration.
These tears are the emotion that must pour from my heart. I cannot keep things pent up as that will cause unhealthy frustration brewing. I am not an angry person…I am not him. As I wipe my cheek I am vowing to dry the river of despair from this family’s future. Each day will bring this strength each of us needs to persevere. Our unity bonds us tightly and our love will carry us through.
Absence felt…Embraced hope remains
~Nina~
Good Morning…Life of Purity
August 7, 2010
Nothing can explain the warmth my heart was met with this morning as I opened my eyes to the purest sight of all the land…
It had been a difficult night for Chloe and she ended up sleeping in my bed. The presence of her lying next to me eases the great loneliness I have at night, but her need of feeling safe supersedes the benefit I receive. I woke up often last night to her sleeping face and just ran my finger across her forehead to tuck the stray hair behind her ear as I whispered, “Sweet dreams my darling girl.” My heart fills with great pride as her innocence is preserved with her imagination venturing dreamland. As dawn broke I opened my eyes. My heart flooded as we were almost nose to nose and her eyes popped open. Those beautiful, big brown eyes sparkled of rest. She brought her hand up and as she caressed my cheek my heart exploded with the overwhelming emotion. This moment, as we lay there, was of impeccability…pure adoration.
Through out the day I found myself diving into the depths of my appreciation for this life I live each day. My children are beautiful and so very happy. Their smiling faces and hearty giggles do bring reward to my daily efforts. Nothing is more gratifying as the vision of my sweet babies enjoying each other and developing an imagination of adventure.
There was one point while picking up around the house I stopped. I stood at the window in my dining room, leaned up against the wall, and crossed my arms in front of my chest while pondering. The house was quiet as my little ones were napping, but my mind was screaming with question.
There are days that I embrace my independence and become satisfied with being alone. I don’t have that world of emotion and closeness that can cloud one’s heart. The absence of the vulnerability of being hurt keeps me feeling very safe. Other days I dream of the warmth of another standing by my side. The cascading emotions of love as our fingers interlace and electricity shared as our lips meet. Sharing experiences is a natural part of life and I wonder if I will ever have that opportunity again. Overall I do long for my heart to become matched with the devotion of another. Time will tell…the future holds many answers of the unknown.
As I gazed outside it started to rain. Today the rain signified the opportunities my future does hold. I was being showered with hope and cascaded with faith. This rain will nurture the seed of trust I need to grow. What I saw outside was the vision of my spreading my arms and twirling in the rain, soaking up everything the heavens above had to share with me.
Silhouette of peace…Heart enveloped with serenity
~Nina~
Nothing can explain the warmth my heart was met with this morning as I opened my eyes to the purest sight of all the land…
It had been a difficult night for Chloe and she ended up sleeping in my bed. The presence of her lying next to me eases the great loneliness I have at night, but her need of feeling safe supersedes the benefit I receive. I woke up often last night to her sleeping face and just ran my finger across her forehead to tuck the stray hair behind her ear as I whispered, “Sweet dreams my darling girl.” My heart fills with great pride as her innocence is preserved with her imagination venturing dreamland. As dawn broke I opened my eyes. My heart flooded as we were almost nose to nose and her eyes popped open. Those beautiful, big brown eyes sparkled of rest. She brought her hand up and as she caressed my cheek my heart exploded with the overwhelming emotion. This moment, as we lay there, was of impeccability…pure adoration.
Through out the day I found myself diving into the depths of my appreciation for this life I live each day. My children are beautiful and so very happy. Their smiling faces and hearty giggles do bring reward to my daily efforts. Nothing is more gratifying as the vision of my sweet babies enjoying each other and developing an imagination of adventure.
There was one point while picking up around the house I stopped. I stood at the window in my dining room, leaned up against the wall, and crossed my arms in front of my chest while pondering. The house was quiet as my little ones were napping, but my mind was screaming with question.
There are days that I embrace my independence and become satisfied with being alone. I don’t have that world of emotion and closeness that can cloud one’s heart. The absence of the vulnerability of being hurt keeps me feeling very safe. Other days I dream of the warmth of another standing by my side. The cascading emotions of love as our fingers interlace and electricity shared as our lips meet. Sharing experiences is a natural part of life and I wonder if I will ever have that opportunity again. Overall I do long for my heart to become matched with the devotion of another. Time will tell…the future holds many answers of the unknown.
As I gazed outside it started to rain. Today the rain signified the opportunities my future does hold. I was being showered with hope and cascaded with faith. This rain will nurture the seed of trust I need to grow. What I saw outside was the vision of my spreading my arms and twirling in the rain, soaking up everything the heavens above had to share with me.
Silhouette of peace…Heart enveloped with serenity
~Nina~
Absence Necessary…Rest Warranted
August 6, 2010
Monday marked a day of breaking for me. As my body relayed a message to me that something has to give, I was forced to think about what I carry everyday and what adjustments I can do to bring relief from some of this stress. The overwhelming pressure has slowly surfaced some physical effects. I struggle each day with my entire list of duties on top of the whirlwind of stress brought on by this entire experience. I took the week to adjust my routine and spend more time resting. My recovery this week included a break from my writings. My absence was very much necessary and I am doing much better now.
Taking care of my body hasn’t been of top priority, but I haven’t totally lacked effort for myself either. I do struggle with time as the minutes tick and I am left with a thousand things to do and no more time in my day to get them done. I can’t let this be an excuse to allow opportunity for this overwhelming stress to deteriorate my body. I have to provide proper nutrition to fuel myself for my extensive realm of responsibilities as well as give myself time to get in some exercise to aid in my physical stamina. The time is necessary to take for myself and now it is required.
Through out the week I ventured through so many racing thoughts. I thought about my life, my internal emotions, and what my future could hold. My days are so chaotic that I just crash normally, but taking the time to rest this week left me crying myself to sleep 4 of the 5 nights. I thought these days of overwhelming emotion had left me, but I realized that I am constantly going 100 miles an hour so I simply don’t have the time to always decipher the true value what I am feeling. I think that is how I started to manage my emotions by flying right on past them. Again, I am striving for a well-rounded health and that will include taking the time to express myself fully.
I was privileged to have a particular presence throughout the week. Assistance with some household chores and the sense of care for me was much appreciated. The moment of kneeling down next to me as I struggled brought a warm sense of tranquility as someone was reaching out to help me. I was honored to have these arms embrace me with hope.
My focus from this day forward is a healthy routine for myself and my children. Their habits after all will come from the examples of mine. Their building blocks will develop through their childhood from the direction of where Momma goes. Together we will form the healthy tendencies of success. Stress management is a priority right now and I hope to soon put many things behind me. Stepping forward towards a door of endless opportunities and bright future, that is where I am headed.
Health and Happiness…Correlated and Connected
~Nina~
Monday marked a day of breaking for me. As my body relayed a message to me that something has to give, I was forced to think about what I carry everyday and what adjustments I can do to bring relief from some of this stress. The overwhelming pressure has slowly surfaced some physical effects. I struggle each day with my entire list of duties on top of the whirlwind of stress brought on by this entire experience. I took the week to adjust my routine and spend more time resting. My recovery this week included a break from my writings. My absence was very much necessary and I am doing much better now.
Taking care of my body hasn’t been of top priority, but I haven’t totally lacked effort for myself either. I do struggle with time as the minutes tick and I am left with a thousand things to do and no more time in my day to get them done. I can’t let this be an excuse to allow opportunity for this overwhelming stress to deteriorate my body. I have to provide proper nutrition to fuel myself for my extensive realm of responsibilities as well as give myself time to get in some exercise to aid in my physical stamina. The time is necessary to take for myself and now it is required.
Through out the week I ventured through so many racing thoughts. I thought about my life, my internal emotions, and what my future could hold. My days are so chaotic that I just crash normally, but taking the time to rest this week left me crying myself to sleep 4 of the 5 nights. I thought these days of overwhelming emotion had left me, but I realized that I am constantly going 100 miles an hour so I simply don’t have the time to always decipher the true value what I am feeling. I think that is how I started to manage my emotions by flying right on past them. Again, I am striving for a well-rounded health and that will include taking the time to express myself fully.
I was privileged to have a particular presence throughout the week. Assistance with some household chores and the sense of care for me was much appreciated. The moment of kneeling down next to me as I struggled brought a warm sense of tranquility as someone was reaching out to help me. I was honored to have these arms embrace me with hope.
My focus from this day forward is a healthy routine for myself and my children. Their habits after all will come from the examples of mine. Their building blocks will develop through their childhood from the direction of where Momma goes. Together we will form the healthy tendencies of success. Stress management is a priority right now and I hope to soon put many things behind me. Stepping forward towards a door of endless opportunities and bright future, that is where I am headed.
Health and Happiness…Correlated and Connected
~Nina~
Exhausting Week…Weekend More
August 1, 2010
I haven’t written for a couple of days. The week was extremely busy and left me completely exhausted. I packed up my troops Friday and headed west. The adventure of car rides is always interesting. I chuckle as I watch my wee ones fight the sand man and drift to the soothing ride to Grandma’s house. It is a priceless moment when they wake up to realize that we are indeed in the driveway of our destination. The smile of excitement as they anticipate the upcoming spoil factor is precious.
We also had a wedding in the family this weekend, which was our reason of travel. As the bride glided down the aisle to her groom, the boys became squirrely. After everyone was seated for the ceremony I took the boys to the back of the church where there was room for them to burn some of their energy. There was one moment I have waited for as a Mom and prayed I wouldn’t miss. July 31st will be a day I never forget!
I turned and there he went, Connor was standing. I stopped in a my tracks as I watched him walk across the room all by himself. Then I spun around to see my little Kaden do the very same thing. That very moment where I watched my babies take the next step into the world of becoming toddlers. My boys are growing and developing with such great endurance that I find the time slipping right through my fingers. I savor that moment. My heart raced as I have never been more proud to watch them take off.
My time has been very busy. Some days just get away from me. I ended July strong and hope to step into August with vigor and faith. I know I am going forward in an upward direction. It feels great to have a sense of pride and happiness wrap around my shoulders.
My entry tonight is short, but I will bring great effort to the capturing of my upcoming days. Thank you for following. God Bless and Goodnight!
~Nina~
I haven’t written for a couple of days. The week was extremely busy and left me completely exhausted. I packed up my troops Friday and headed west. The adventure of car rides is always interesting. I chuckle as I watch my wee ones fight the sand man and drift to the soothing ride to Grandma’s house. It is a priceless moment when they wake up to realize that we are indeed in the driveway of our destination. The smile of excitement as they anticipate the upcoming spoil factor is precious.
We also had a wedding in the family this weekend, which was our reason of travel. As the bride glided down the aisle to her groom, the boys became squirrely. After everyone was seated for the ceremony I took the boys to the back of the church where there was room for them to burn some of their energy. There was one moment I have waited for as a Mom and prayed I wouldn’t miss. July 31st will be a day I never forget!
I turned and there he went, Connor was standing. I stopped in a my tracks as I watched him walk across the room all by himself. Then I spun around to see my little Kaden do the very same thing. That very moment where I watched my babies take the next step into the world of becoming toddlers. My boys are growing and developing with such great endurance that I find the time slipping right through my fingers. I savor that moment. My heart raced as I have never been more proud to watch them take off.
My time has been very busy. Some days just get away from me. I ended July strong and hope to step into August with vigor and faith. I know I am going forward in an upward direction. It feels great to have a sense of pride and happiness wrap around my shoulders.
My entry tonight is short, but I will bring great effort to the capturing of my upcoming days. Thank you for following. God Bless and Goodnight!
~Nina~
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